The desire to become more is so powerful, the call for love is so deep: that people try to measure it and find the perfect love. To do this is to already fall into a trap! Do you see it? The right love, the best love, the true love… Right, Best, True… all are words of judgement and within judgement all love crumbles into dust.
How can you have true love, if you are always measuring the person you love? Always comparing, to those who might be younger, smarter, more beautiful, fresher, newer … Even worse, to measure yourself against others and then to find yourself failing to be worthy of love…Even worse to do this is to makes you or your a partner into a commodity and in that you will consume your partner. To make you or your partner into a commodity is to ensure the relationship will burn out from the consumption of the relationship over time. Leaving everything and everyone broken.
To consume love is to break in love.
Also, people are taught by media and stories to look for the perfect ideal, for a knight in armor or the proper maiden to save. How can a relationship survive if you unconsciously compare your partner to a preconceived picture of what it is to be as a partner -> that doesn’t exist? Part of love is to consciously work at improving how you hold a relationship. The harder part of relationship work is releasing all of these unconscious judgement traps.
So you can see -> there are many ways we introduce judgement into our relationship. The way to remove judgement out of a relationship is ironically very simple: See your partner as being an unique person.
We are each unique, think of the person you are with as unique and you quickly discover that person is without compare.
Love isn’t about a measurement nor a judgement.. Love is about who helps you grow and expand and become more.
No one person is perfect for another, yes many people can fit into our lives, there is more than one soulmate out there for you. Life isn’t a chase to find all the soulmates nor the best. It’s about being with the person who helps you enjoy life, explore and continue to become more.
So whenever you think of your (partner) / (prospective partner) relative to another person, or if you say things like: “I would be crazy not to” (yes there is self judgement in this statement equally as bad)… those are judgements. Each statement is pathway of judgement leading you to feel a better person is out there for you or for them. At this point you have immediately and from the start begun to undercut your relationship.
You will not make the distance, by undercutting your relationship with judgement at the start. Your relationship will never last if you hold your partner to some impossible ideal.
So to reiterate because its the true secret of a lasting relationship: We are each unique, so fall in love with each other’s uniqueness.
Uniqueness is beyond compare and as a result creates for a more balanced relationship.
Of course, be aware of the reverse of this concept. If the person you are with judges you… Then run.
Judgement is a game of conflict and in love that means one person will be diminished and that undercuts love all together.
The only way to win such a game, of judgement… is not to play it with judgement to begin with.
Discover you don’t have to be alone, in figuring out how to improve your relationship.