How to Find Solution(s) to Problems in Life

Living Guidelines and Facing Challenges in Your Life

Having a set of personal guidelines for living life can go a long way toward preventing problems in life. The best way to solve a problem is to avoid getting into a bad situation, having personal guidelines to establish strong boundaries will help you avoid many problems. Once you do have a problem, this site has many resources  (relationship, health, spirit) to help you tackle any challenge. Hopefully, you are facing an issue where a simple solution can be found to resolve out your crisis. You also can ask questions or hire us to help you solve problems.

When having problems you should check your guidelines to get inspiration on how to improve your situation. Most people don’t have a set of personal guidelines; they rather live to an unconscious set of rules they were given by their family or society. Ironically 90% of the time when I am helping a person, the problem comes from outside rules imposing negatively against that person’s inner guidelines. If you don’t know your guidelines, you won’t be able to formulate a plan on how to fix your problem! You will feel something is wrong, but not be able to focus or seem to able to find a solution.

I am going to share my personal guidelines to help show you what a set of living guidelines could look like for you.

Personal Tao - Chapter 34

Living Guidelines

Creating a personal map to the soul offers both insight and direction to clear away many obstacles we encounter within life.

Not every principle can be expressed in words, many times the best way to reveal something is art itself. The first step is to list the principles behind our actions. Writing such a list was a critical milestone in my spiritual growth. It opened my life to be lived rather than just passing the time. I am in no way stating other people should live under these guidelines. Instead, this is the process I used to come to terms, with my own personal acceptance of living. These “guidelines” shift with the movement of my life.

Realistically, guidelines don’t determine how I live; instead by living I will express who I am.

(1) With care, I aid those who are extended expressions of my nature.

My children, partners, parents, friends, pets, any spirit who lives within my essence: are all extensions of my nature. I must take the time to care appropriately for those who are dependant upon my nature. This is an ever-changing and shifting balance. Blind co-dependence is not something I encourage, as it subtracts from my nature. However, the mutual sharing of spirit is very beneficial as it enhances my nature. Caring for the ones I love like this fulfills a major part of my own essence.

(2) Be true to myself

If I cannot be true to myself, I end up destroying myself. I cannot aid another by destroying myself. Even if it means disappointing others, it’s important to take care of my very own nature.

To those in my heart, it’s better to disappoint than to disappear.
To those outside of my spirit it’s better to disappear than disappoint.

I cannot give away my soul to another, as to do so would destroy that nature. My spirit can freely entangle with others, but our nature is always uniquely our own. Giving your soul away is not to be true to yourself.

(3) Connect to the world as I want to be treated.

My actions reflect back to me on every level.

While I can act as I please, I also have no desire for people to treat me without respect. I will almost always try to treat others with respect and patience. At times, I will act outside this rule, since to gain respect sometimes means responding to people using their own rules which can be quite different than mine.

(4) Connect to those outside my nature with decisive action.

It subtracts from my nature to give mixed signals to others. When connecting to something or someone outside of me, the way I represent myself reinforces my nature. When dealing with those outside of my spirit, I will be decisive and clear in my actions.

I have learned part of acting decisively is to base actions clearly on my nature.

(5 old) To those unwilling to accept me for my true nature, I will then reflect them.

To some this means I am a chameleon, blending in. To others, I will seem to be a fool. In either case, it’s a waste of time trying to convince people about who I am. I am always myself. But it’s foolish not to accept each person as uniquely themselves. To those unwilling to accept me I often will reflect them. In most cases it typically means I become the fool. Perhaps I do this to protect myself, at times I do this in the hopes I will shatter a tarnished mirror. But I act the fool when {as quite simply}, I just wish to be left alone. Most people (even those who once loved you) leave fools blissfully alone.

Now to illustrate why these are living guidelines

Having been the chameleon for many years, and having played the part of the fool, I have come to the conclusion that either role, while a quite safe place, is no longer a place I wish to hide.

This rule has changed recently to become:

(5 New) To those unwilling to accept me for my true nature, no action is required:
just silently let them be themselves as I remain myself.

Once in my life, I was a chameleon and a fool. Those were part of my nature, to protect myself as I needed time to develop and grow in a culture which almost crushed my spirit. Now that I have fully and truly accepted my nature I can shed these aspects, safely becoming myself. I am grateful for the time within the protection of those two roles and a chance to try out the many different aspects of the role of a chameleon and fool permitted me to experience. But for now, I have settled into a more reflective role. In time I will change again.

(6) I own nothing; I am merely a passing custodian of items outside of my nature.

I pretty much share everything. Thinking I own something is an illusion. I might hold control over something, but possession is not ownership. The moment I believe I own something is the moment I am no longer free to be my own nature. I openly share what I have with those who show respect to the items and myself. A custodian has a responsibility of respect; a person who shares with me, has the responsibility of returning some respect. When multiple people become a custodian of an item, I am more careful about how openly the item gets shared as I must also respect and consider the other custodians.

I have found these guidelines have been a way to live unselfishly: helping others freely and openly is a direct result of being true to my nature.

This is a very nice way to live. It leads to a balance of becoming part of an ever-growing community of those I love and connect to within life.

Personal Examples

Here are two stories from my path as samples of the guiding principles of my life.

Example of caring for those whom I love while being true to myself.

Olympia is a special place; unfortunately, the Pacific Northwest is the source of a few pretty serious allergies which cause me quite a bit of pain. For health reasons, I would have long ago meandered to Central America or other warmer climates better suited to my nature. However, after my divorce, I didn’t want to leave my two children. That left me in a terrible position. Stay somewhere which was literally tearing my mind and shredding my body (severe allergies can mess a person up I discovered), or to leave which would have consequences for my children. Several additional factors in the situation left me at a point of internal conflict.

I decided to stay in Olympia for my children, but I also decided the reason to stay in Olympia should be to support my nature. I needed to understand the depression, and as it later turned out the allergies which were the source of that depression. I decided my staying in Olympia needed to be the time to understand why it felt like the Pacific Northwest was driving me away. The reason to stay was to discover more about myself. The solution took years to uncover. I had to stop and examine my nature. I spent the time to understand my needs thru activities such as spoken word poetry to examine my mind and spirit closely. I learned more about my body, beginning to seriously explore yoga and martial arts which healed my physical self, and in turn, strengthened my overall system to resist the allergies better. I spent the time to determine what foods I should or shouldn’t eat, as it turned out food also played a role in the allergies. I then discovered how the body works internally, so I could perform deep internal exercises to aid my liver and kidneys, which in turn helped purify the body of the allergens. All these activities led me to discover interconnections between mind, body, and spirit. Over five years I took the time to understand myself, so I could also support those I love. As a result of this hard work, patience and time I was able to be true to myself and care for my children.

Many times staying and not running is the hardest thing a person can do.

Everyday, I lie to myself
“I can leave whenever I wish”
Everyday I say this.
Everyday I stay
Beaten bruises should
push me away
I stay
Hiding tears, pain, truth
Hide it in lies,
smiles and fantasy

It doesn’t matter
Everyday losing something more of myself
Everyday laying a little longer,
picking myself off the ground,
slowly, to continue this play

Every night I lie to myself.
Going to sleep, it feels so easy
Maybe the gray,
the midnight dark will stay,
keep the day away

It doesn’t, it never does.

Leaving me to morning,
another day
Saying:
“I can leave whenever I wish”

Could have, should have,
would have left
Living, living free, not beaten,
to be true to life,
is who you are
Is what calls,
howls in my dreams
No!
As much as I want to flee
Truth, true to my life,
means to love others…
It’s returning love
in my children’s eyes
It’s helping friends
beaten to the ground
so they may walk again.

Silently unknowingly:
These loved ones pick me up
off the ground everyday.

I won’t lie
I will leave someday
It just won’t be today

Allow time to discover yourself, a process that spans an entire lifetime.

Note) The poem for some will stir up the topic of abuse. People often accept abuse for the wrong reason of love or fear. Abuse is never acceptable. Release abuse when it is in your life. No guideline ever approves or justifies abuse.

A story of connecting to those outside my nature with decisive action.

One evening, Julie and I were walking home. Along the way, a pitbull attacked us. At that moment I acted decisively. I became my full self and demanded directly to the dog to stand down. The dog and I sized each other up in one of those perfect seconds that last a little longer than a second. The dog reacted as if I would have taken it down completely because I knew and decisively told the dog as much with my full expression of self. Then the pitbull walked away. If I didn’t act like myself, if I had any mixed emotions, doubts or fear, the pitbull would have then doubted my nature, and it would have attacked me, since a pitbull’s nature is to attack when in doubt. Instead, Julie and I walked away 5 seconds later with no harm to anyone. While this is an extreme example, in some aspects, it shows the truth of clearly communicating with decisiveness.

Just because I am a Taoist and peaceful 99% of the time doesn’t mean I am always passive. Being a Taoist means always living relative to your nature and the situation you are within. If a situation requires forceful actions, then you need to be prepared to use forceful actions with full commitment.

Casey

Procession of the Species Olympia WA, 2003

Me

Poet, Sage (not all sages have grey hair),
Father, Lover, Casey, Former Fool,
Boy, Man, Patterner, Author, Chameleon,
Wind, Dragon, Sun, Cat,

Once upon a time even a Purple Jester
Joyful
Countless
nouns and adjectives

– Trying and defining one a day –

Explorer

Always myself

NO matter what appearance is playing.

Note

  • Don’t underestimate appearance. While it’s a shell, we still gain strength and protection from our appearance. It’s a powerful form of magic being a shapeshifter and controlling your appearance.
  • Be warned appearance is often a shell game of ego. There is no power, only deception, in these shell games.

We are: what we are. Be true to your own guidelines ever following the tumbling stars strewn along the way

Multiple Answers to Problems

In trying to find a solution for all
… you get no solutions at all …

I have written a guide on finding simple solutions. The simple solution guide works extremely well for when you are dealing with a single problem. Also when you are dealing with a situation that is shifting the simple solution guide will walk you through a process that will evolve a solution over time.

When simple solutions don’t work, then chances are you are dealing with multiple problems at once.  This means many times the situation requires multiple solutions at once. This often happens when multiple people are involved, and the dynamic of multiple people drive that no single solution can work and you need to implement several ideas at once. Don’t approach this situation trying to find single solution ideas or proposals.  A single answer approach drives conflict. Ironically, conflict over time reduces options down to a single option, but then time steps in and multiple solutions often creep back into the picture as the victor learns they must modify their answers. (Then the victor discovers the meaning of irony, or they claim it as part of their original solution.)

So when thinking about how best to approach any sort of problem: consider that multiple solutions can be explored at once.

Let’s apply this concept to the culture within the United States right now.

In theory, a democracy is a society that embraces the idea of multiple solutions of many people at once.

You can tell what we have in the United States isn’t a democracy anymore. Why? Because we as a culture/society are not embracing multiple solutions to the social problems, we are facing.

Instead, the United States culture drives everything into crisis and crisis always force solutions to be single fast actions that end up creating conflict in the population.

The democracy in the United States is failing at the most fundamental level right now. So people are using fear and anger to win against reason.

The answer people often need isn’t a single solution, magic bullet nor conflict. The answer we face is often “answer (S)” that many of us can work together towards to improve our lives so we can live together. Otherwise, we are just facing a rapidly bad game of musical chairs. I think it’s time to build more chairs, rather than fighting over one answer.

Push or Wait for Change?

Problems break people out of comfort and push people into change. In not changing you often reinforce the very problem you are experiencing!

How to Change

If you are a person, who wants to change, but don’t know how, or feel like you should hunker down. I will say this: hunkering down means losing yourself. These times are defined by change! If you avoid exploring, opening up or are just fearful. You will miss a once in a lifetime experience to become happy, to be creative, to experience grace, to discover your community and to be fully human.

The social pressure to hunker down and not change is very very strong. Many people are being attacked to hunker down and live a life of fear. This isn’t something to fight, directly. Fear-driven responses are a deeply powerful social riptide. You may have to swim to the side of these social forces and then change your game, your life, to begin shaping your choices to be more in line to a life you want.

As a spiritual lifeguard, I do my best to help people. But I can’t help those who swim with fear or hunker down to hide.

It’s a personal choice, in the end, one you have to respect for each person, but it’s deeply sad to see people drowning in fear, in judgment, in ignorance of simple lifestyle changes that would open life up rather than shut it down.

Be proactive when stuck on the edge, don’t retreat in fear. It’s acceptable to start a better life, but you will require momentum to break free of the old traps holding you back from starting that new life.

You can do more than daydream, but it requires awareness and then patient and directed actions to swim out of the riptides of fear.

People lose direction in times like this. Understand if you feel you have lost direction…

  1. To Pause
  2. If seeing something appropriate act upon it.
  3. If nothing seems right, then follow not the flow that is dragging you: but rather get out of the flow in *** sideway*** steps!
  4. Once out of the flow: Repeat Pause
  5. Then follow the best action that gets revealed by the pause and then evolve out from there.

Read simple solutions for a deeper review and expansion of these steps!

Don't Fear the Times

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sowmya

I loved a boy and we both got married to each other. Before marriage I asked him that I will do a job he accepted for that and he joined me in a course within a month. I left him and joined in a course. I’m missing him a lot and he fought with his parents and joined me here. But I’m unable to stay in hostel. He told me to pack everything and come. But I’m in middle of course I cannot go back. I’m having lots of pressure from outside. In a month we both are busy in… Read more »

Lavanya

I loved a boy and he is different caste but his caste is bigger than ours i loved him in such a way that i cant lead my life without him this thing is not liked by parents they don’t encourage this type of things that to he is different caste they are willing to marry me with him they started seeing matches for me they are depressed because of me I am unable to decide what to do can you please tell me what to do

sheema

* note we deleted out details leading to the question of: *

Can I do anything like cancelling the registration without having divorce.

Priyanka

Am feeling like suicide, lots of problem is going on in my mind and tensions …..

john

I always enjoy when you say “just saying…” always puts a smile on face:)

khan

my problm is that bieng a boy i react like girls . when some say about that i feel very bad. any one can tell how can i change

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