How to Repair Trust
I was asked about repairing trust.
Trust once broken is not truly repairable. This is because trust is based on faith. Once broken you have shown it is breakable. You cannot have faith in something which by default you now know is not true.
To repair trust is to create a New Trust.
(If you tape the page back together you are merely putting your trust to the tape rather than the baseline trust…)
New Trust takes time, a few years, in fact, to cement and harden into something a person can have faith within again.
So to repair truth requires:
- A Fresh Start
- A willingness to try and begin creating a new pattern. (rather than insisting on keeping the old)
- Patience for each party to release the pain of what happened
- Patience for each party to respect the time it takes for the other person to change
- Patience for two years to roll on by for the cement of the new trust to firm up.
So repairing trust is a recipe for creating New Trust.
New Trust Recipe
A New Page, 1 part willingness and 3 parts patience
Very few people have 3 parts patience, and most people insist on using the old torn page rather than a fresh page.
Trusting Oneself Again
Sometimes after having gone through hard times, a person can lose trust in their ability to move ahead.
But also, if this is the case, perhaps this should be flipped around to trust oneself precisely because of having been in the mud :). We all make mistakes, but also learn, grow and use the mistakes to add color to one’s life.
It isn’t that we won’t make more mistakes, but now the difference is having learned to grow from the challenges and not to define yourself to the mistakes! This is a very big difference.
Trust to do both better and to make mistakes to grow from occasionally.
I know this is common advice, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it once in a while since it’s so easy to be too hard on oneself also.
Trust and Living Freely in the Now
But, I am trying very hard to trust that a way will be revealed and be open to what will happen.
I wanted to share this thought with everyone, as I know this is a more common concern: about trusting to fate.
It isn’t all about trusting.
As much as being open to flow with potential as it unfolds.
If you only trust, you will miss potential. Also, many potentials require patience and cultivation to attain. So many seemingly trust based results require both active and passive processes in the end. When done well it looks like just trusting to whim, but people rarely see or understand what type of work that can go into just living in the now.
It isn’t that living in the now is no work, It is better to say you don’t waste working towards goals you just don’t need later. However, life itself always requires effort. Otherwise, we just decay back into the earth.
Trust is accepting the truth of being capable of attaining greatness.. but that doesn’t prevent the fact of still having to climb up to the edge, to the heights that allow a person to leap into greater potential. That we witness others glide, who makes it appear as if it were just whimsy of deciding to jump off some mountaintop they happen to climb.
It appears simple only because we often see the results, not what it took to climb the mountain, not the choices that led to climb the mountain, not the faith that it took to then leap off with the freedom to the skies beyond. (also not to mention the flying lessons that you were smart enough to take when you happen to see the little shack next to the mountain selling gliding lessons (and gliders) before you decided to jump off so as not to fall straight back into the earth. In other words, avoiding the fast track to decaying back into the earth.)
The point being yes trust is essential. But so is awareness and so is the work to grow in the journey so you can indeed make it all happen in a manner we can call graceful.
Is this Taoist? It may not seem so at first blush. But it is since we approach this in a whimsical Wu-Wei manner. We know what we will present itself along our journey, that is the trust. However, we also know to listen to our awareness to take the moments to learn what is required to complement the trust that took us forward also.