Traditions and Peace
We might talk about peace during Christmas and New Year and yet these holidays are often not peaceful at all. A tradition is an external story. Not everyone wants to hold the same story found within a tradition.
Traditions will disrupt a person when the tradition’s expectations go against their baseline story. Shaping our own story to external stories often create conflict. Rather than going straight to a fight, it’s possible to be flexible around the tradition to find a middle ground. For instance, instead of matching your story to the holiday baseline try to use the holiday as a break from your normal routine.
Traditions are fun when they break you out of routine, expose you to new potentials, give you a chance to rest or connect to people. Traditions suck when they take you away from a balanced life. When you feel a tradition sucks, then that tradition’s story has come into conflict with your own story.
Don’t let a tradition derail your life.
- Use a tradition as a chance to break out of routine.
- Use ideas from the tradition as inspiration for improving your daily life routines.
- Use conflict from others within the tradition as motivation to remove toxic people from your life.
- Use any frustration from the tradition as a chance to examine your own life and choices.
- Don’t let the tradition become stagnant in routine. Keep it fresh.
- You can also evolve your traditions!
- Why not start new traditions?
For instance, instead of limiting yourself to one new year resolution, why not let each new day inspire you. To let each day be a new year.
Finding Peace in Traditional Settings
Having inner peace is all about acceptance. To embrace acceptance, it becomes important to understand our essence and nature. Human nature is all about living to a story. When your story is not going well in life, you won’t have inner peace. Story management is an important part of inner peace for the average member of the homo sapien species.
Think about how you will hold your stories during a holiday. Then compare it to how others around you try to shape that same tradition. Most everyone tries to force a tradition to meet their story or to some older unbending standard. In this people fight over how to celebrate a tradition. When you get too many stories in play, then you will get conflict over which story gets air time.
One solution is then people try to walk out from the tradition. Ending a story is not necessarily peaceful either it turns out. Likewise, some people will try to pass on giving input to avoid conflict. However, both of these approaches will challenge everyone around that person, because holidays are a group event, so being passive can stir up other people’s ire at not being an active participant of the tradition. You are either in it, or everyone is against you. Overall, all too many ways for it all to become a fight.
Oh, The joy of traditional holidays.
Take control of your inner peace by actively shaping your story
First, find peace by removing judgment of exactly how the tradition should unfold. Let the story be more open-ended rather than forced by your expectations.
Peace is about finding a story that makes you whole and flows smoothly to your nature. If you are unhappy, then it’s all about realigning the story. Hell as other people fight, step out to do some dishes just to let others expend their energy on their interpretations. Or do something useful on the side so when the fight is over you can help make peace easier. Don’t make someone else’s inner conflict your conflict.
Another trap is we assume we know another person’s story. This isn’t usually true. When people fight, they’re not usually fighting about the same thing! Get everyone to restate what is wrong if fighting is happening around you regarding the implementation of your tradition. The trouble with stories is we hold them in the heart and can’t see them directly. This means many people are blind to their own story! You cannot directly point out this fact, but you can show people side examples so they can shift their own story unconsciously. Try to find bridges to new stories. Don’t try to force a person to change their story. If you try to force a person to change their story, they will fight to the death. However, if you gently create a bridge to a new story and make it a playful exploration people will release old stories for better options over time.
A Happy New Year for 2019
Here in Hawaii, the new year is greeted by whales (kohola)! The Humpbacks migrate here from Alaska every winter, and the sighting of the first whale is always a special moment. A sign of the new year ahead!
We are all happy they are coming back safely. A few early ones came in October this year. They give birth to their beautiful children here late December and early January. For me, the whales have come to symbolize the new year more than anything. The video below is from Jan 2018.
I can’t help but have tears watching the young whales. They’re so beautiful. I wanted to share this part of the Hawaiian new year for you.
Julie and I wish you and everyone in your family a good new year.