Happy Summer Dragons!
Let’s extend the last newsletter: Being Heroes to talk about moving towards our life’s destination.
Here is the song list for this month’s newsletter:
- Cats in the Cradle – Remember to engage life through the journey.
- Closing Time – Each step in our journey is a new starting point.
- Learning To Fly – At times, your step requires a moment of flight!
Casey Insight 1: For myself, these songs are also a reminder that home is more than a destination; it’s a place of connection where we engage life together as we move between our life destinations.
What are some tricks people use to shape their life story? Most people shape their lives using stories they already know. Others use visual goals, storyboards, or long-term plans. My own approach became what I call the “2-3-4 stepping-stone path.”
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2-3-4 Stepping-Stone Path.
I don’t use external tools like storyboards. Instead, I focus on several waypoints that can span up to two decades ahead of me. I have used this model ever since I left my family home 45 years ago. I feel it’s a trap to only think of one destination at a time. Instead, I recommend thinking of up to 4 destinations at a time. As a side note, I never hold more than 4 destinations at once. Now, don’t think of these destinations happening at the same time, nor of there being a direct path between them. Think of each destination as a stepping stone in a pond used to get to the other side. Two stepping stones are on your side of the pond, two are on the far side, and the middle steps are still unknown.
Casey Insight 2: You might think your path ahead is all skips and hops. Yet, we face many challenges that will force you to swim or even fly between your stepping stones. Don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith or to plunge into the mud or the unknown every once in a while.
“Not all those who wander are lost.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
The first two stepping stones are shorter-term destinations of 2 years or less. The third stepping stone is a longer-term destination, such as a dream you want to make come true or what happens when your children leave home. The last stepping stone can be decades out, such as your retirement plan.
For your first destination, pick something achievable. For your first stepping-stone plan, consider which destination, 6 months to 1 year ahead, is most important to your life. The second destination can be more open and can shift based on the results from achieving your first destination. Often, the 2nd destination lasts 3 to 6 months after the first.
After you complete the first two destinations, you either (1) move the third destination up if it is achievable or repeat the process to (2) pick two new destinations that support the 3rd destination.
The third stepping stone collects ideas and facts for possible future paths. It often doesn’t have a time limit. In my life, the third stepping stone isn’t always one I travel. I use it as a longer focal point to keep focus on the important details of my life. When completing my 2nd destination, I review everything and update my 3rd waypoint as required by my life.
“There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk.”
-Guy Gavriel Kay
This 2-3-4-step process offers many benefits. First, it allows you to plan more efficiently for a longer-term destination. The trouble is, if you try to plan too far out, life will bounce you around and then bounce you away from the longer destinations you’re shooting for. Planning in two to three stages allows you to be more flexible and take advantage of changes. Having the 4th final stage keeps you grounded toward a longer-term goal, such as retirement.
Destinations aren’t actually static; destinations are what we grow towards. The destinations we should focus on should be the important milestones that help create a more complete life.
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
As we mature in our journeys, the destinations will shift. The 2-3-4 stepping-stone path allows a person to easily change their destination over time as they mature on their journey.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Casey Insight 3: If you try to find all the stepping stones in your path in life before you start, you will miss unexpected side adventures and options!
Simple Example: Facing Job Problems
Let’s give you a simple two destination example: What to do when you might lose your job. A very common challenge right now. Instead of becoming trapped by focusing on a singular bad option, layering destinations will interplay to open up positive options.
Think in two destinations: first, how do I extend my current job? Second, what could my new job be?
So in this case, the destination may look like this:
- Figure out the timeline in play before you lose the job. Let’s assume 6 months in this example.
- The story destination for the first stepping stone is “Save my Job”
- The second story destination, 9 months to 1 year out, is to find a new job.
The power of the process is that you are getting ready for two different options that complement each other. You initially put 75% of your energy into saving your job and 25% into finding options for your next job. By combining the two-story destinations, you can have two very different options in play. You are letting the second option float relative to the first option. The first option does influence the second. As you work to improve your current situation, you will find additional options for your second destination.
As you prepare your updated resume for the second destination, it helps you avoid feeling helpless or trapped when trying to save your current job. Preparing for change often reduces fear because it reminds us we still have choices. You can then layer your actions more cleanly. So your future job search doesn’t undercut saving your job, and saving your job gives you more options for your future job search.
This job example normally has more sub-steps, but I am using a simplified version to illustrate the basic concept.
Second Example: Moving to a Better Location
Now, let’s expand to a 3 destination example: moving to a new location for life. I use this process whenever I move.
Destination (1) Selling one’s home (9 months to 1 year). I plan out 1 year for selling my house, preparing, and getting ready for a leap. So destination (1) includes these sub-steps that take up to a year.
- Cleaning up the house.
- Reducing one’s footprint in life. (Moving often teaches us how much of our stress comes from carrying too much of our past forward with us.)
- Fixing & Staging the house.
- Arranging storage and transport.
- Figure out 5 possible future places to live.
- Selling the house.
Destination (2) moving to a temporary location to explore a new area to live within.
This destination process lasts 3 to 9 months. The process looks like:
- Getting to the new location
- Exploring the new area and identifying 3 to 5 local micro neighborhoods that fit your lifestyle and personality
- Get in tune with the house/rental market to understand what a good deal looks like.
- Establish new jobs or transition jobs as required
- Jump to a new location if you don’t find what you’re looking for, and repeat the process.
In 2007, Julie and I repeated this loop 3 times over 2 years before deciding to live in Hawaii. Each move taught us something different about the kind of life we actually wanted to live.
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
– André Gide
Destination (3) Becoming part of the new community. Expect this 3rd destination to be a two-year process to get in tune with everyone in your new location. Also, for many people, this stage includes finding a better, longer-term job in the new location.
These 3 destinations interplay with each other. As you get ready to sell your house, you are simplifying your life and learning lessons about things to change in future steps. If you cannot sell your home, you don’t waste too much time on the later steps.
If we focus too much on a later destination that isn’t possible, we take time away from living better in our original location. A future dream destination should give us clues on how to improve how we live today, not prevent us from living today. Sometimes what we learn from working towards our 2nd or 3rd destination can be applied to modify our lives in the here and now!
“We are always getting ready to live but never living.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
By layering the destinations, it gives a person more flexibility and options over time, and a fallback position to live your current life better if the middle steps don’t connect into a valid path.
Now, many people will jump straight to destination number 3 by finding a new job first. But this limits you to only living relative to your job. It’s best to find the place that matches you first, then find a job that matches you. I find that when people move with their jobs, they lose power in their jobs and become more defined by their work than themselves.
This 2-3 destination example helps you live more fully and accumulate life lessons as you move through life. Your destination doesn’t define you as much as you are more flexible in your destinations. Also, you don’t lose yourself by forcing yourself into the wrong place. When you focus on only one destination, life circles back to only one option, and you miss out on other fuller, richer life prospects.
There are many examples of how to use the 2-3-4 stepping stone path process. No two people will build the exact same stepping stone path. The point is not to copy another person’s journey. The point is to remain engaged with your own. If you need help, give a holler. On the community livestream this month, I will talk about this process and answer questions.
Finally, I mentioned earlier to focus only on 4 destinations. The reason is quite simple: I consider the 5th destination already complete, since it’s simply being yourself.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
-Oscar Wilde
Why isn’t this the first destination? Well, if life is a journey, and we naturally change roughly every seven years, it’s prudent to have a tool for the times when you do have to redefine yourself.
Big Love from
Julie & Casey
