I was devastated when my husband told me out of the blue four years ago that he did not want to be married anymore. He had an irrepressible urge to be free and start a new life but was scared to act on it in case he regretted throwing everything away. We had always been so close, I could not comprehend what was happening. I scoured the internet for an explanation only to discover that he had all the symptoms of a mid-life crisis, even though he was only 35. It was terrifying to read about the anguish it caused, how it ripped couples apart and terrifying that there was absolutely nothing I could do; it was something he had to sort himself.
When, after two and a half years of indecision, he finally decided to leave and end our relationship, I was shattered. Every source I consulted emphasized the partner’s need for space to resolve their crisis but offered no advice as to how I could stand back and give them that space when I was so distressed myself. It was then that I stumbled on a Personal Tao and Casey’s rich teachings on midlife transition. He showed an understanding of the crisis that I could relate to. The idea of a spiritual divorce offered me a gleam of hope and I wrote to Casey asking for help. He showed me how to get through the pain by focusing on myself and my own growth. At first, I was grieving so much it was impossible for me to think of anything but the partner and marriage I had lost. But Casey was patient and gentle and his instructions simple and practical, and with his encouragement, I was gradually able to redirect my attention to my own life.
I came away from every skype session feeling brighter and more hopeful that life would get better. I had so many questions and Casey always had an answer. His tapes on what to do when your partner leaves and what to say when you talk to your partner proved invaluable: not only did they afford me an insight into the situation and offer me practical guidance I could follow, I could listen to them whenever I panicked and calm myself down. I learned that my husband needed to push me away in order to find himself. Knowing this, I was able to keep off the subject of our relationship when we spoke. With the pressure off, our talks became more lighthearted and pleasurable.
For the first eight months, my husband and I only spoke over the phone, mostly at his initiative, and then after a chance meeting, we arranged to meet now and then. After eighteen months apart, my husband feels by and large healed, and we are now getting back together, this time based on our needs instead of expectations. After such a deep crisis and long separation, it feels like a miracle. It was the hardest time of my life. I was so broken, following Casey’s advice was a leap of faith. But Casey’s insights have proved correct and his strategies have worked. Over the past eighteen months, I have learned to be patient and discovered the rewards of letting things unfold over time instead of forcing the situation; I have become less needy and emotionally more self-sufficient; I have explored new activities and rediscovered old interests. Casey has enabled me not only to get through the pain, but to come out on the other side feeling whole, more realistic and in a better position to start again.
I am deeply grateful to Casey for his great wisdom, and wonderfully kind and patient support and encouragement. The few sessions I have had with his wife Julie were similarly insightful and supportive. I feel extremely privileged to have had them both at my side throughout this journey and I sincerely hope that others facing the ordeal of mid-life crisis will not hesitate to call on them for their life-saving and life-changing guidance.