The feeling of death, confronting the emptiness left behind, is a challenge for each person. No words will fill the void, and yet we are driven to try.

Over the years I have helped many people find peace with death. I initially show others how to understand and then accept death as a transition… We all have a strange dance with death. I have died, I have had many friends and family who have passed away, so I am on first name terms with Death, not a bad fellow at all. The strangest fact which I have only come to realize recently is: Death is purely about our relationships. We don’t mourn our passing. We mourn for those we hold close in our relationships.

The closer or more connected to a person you were, the sharper the edge of death will feel.

Death doesn’t represent any one single definition.

Transition isn’t a static process. It represents many different stories all at once. The passing of the body back into the earth, the process of moving with spirit, the interactions between memories and expectations, and so much more.

Since death is a statement about a relationship, the most powerful answers to help work with death arise from responses that give us gracefully acceptable options towards the reconciliation of the relationship between yourself and those who just passed away.

Dealing with death is reconciliation.

First and foremost, always when looking for words to help another, let the words come up as


As simple condolences respect each person’s process coming to terms with so many different definitions and transitions they now face. We often find no single word works, Yet we still strive to console: as if a few keywords or truths could ever cover the fullness of the transition of death and all its faces at once.

One way to embrace this process is discovering your own words & feelings that find completeness in your reconciliation process.

For example:

The Mexican definition of soul is the footprint we leave behind for others to connect to, in that we are present, still after death, in how others remember us. Even the person who passed away can change and grow within the stories we hold of them. The tricky part then is to release the stories that diminish us and to hold the stories that enable us to grow.

Discovering these stories, growing for both you and the person who passed away to become more.

In this we can find our equilibrium between the past , now and the future and not lose those we love.

Blessings as you release those stories that no longer serve anyone
Blessings as you find and refine your inner stories now which serve for your living life now.


The edge of death can be very sharp. Don’t let the sharpness cut you off from your own life.

Sometimes tears are the best pillow.

True friends never pass, they merely go to rest in your heart later in life.

Let them rest deeply, in the heart, let your passing friends rest deeply.


Death as an experience goes beyond words because it represents when a person melds back into the larger weave of everything. The breaking you will feel from the death of a loved one is both the breaking and failure of words to express your feelings. So the lesson is don’t try to find the words, don’t force yourself to express what is larger than yourself.

Embrace it, view it, discover poetry instead: of the whole experience. The deeper melding of so many images, memories, and connections into something new, hold your former relationship as a form of spiritual poetry in the feelings you now have. In that you will honor the memories and move on to a future without leaving the one you love.

This process of vocalization will allow you to see all of the connections within death itself.

To Discover reconciliation between you and the one you loved.

To Uncover and expand into reconciliation between yourself and the larger universe.

Death’s Gate

By Casey 2008

No words cover the experience.
No time undoes the feeling.
In love having fullness.
Only to be left releasing:
A shovel, a handful of dirt and …
the hole left behind.

In love, in sharing: becoming angels.
Living itself: is the wing beat of being an angel.
Even when forced to face death
Coming down to find the ground.

No words fulfill this hole.
Not enough dirt hide the remains,
within the mind, memory, and visions
which as if alive
continue to play out.

In peace
I wish you peace
to say in oneness
Death is a reflection
Looking back from the depths
towards the light
where we all are one.

This is truth
The reason no words work
in that Death is the merging,
Becoming alight
with the Tao.

Death of a Loved One

Dr. Kochmer, My father from the late 60’s.
The last of the old fashion country doctors.
Miss you Dad, You are always alive in my heart!

A Closing Question About Death

I’ve been told I have 4-12 months to live. Treatment at this point will only put off the inevitable. I believe there comes great peace in death as in a good sleep. No wanting, no missing. I am a Taoist. It’s what makes sense to me. I don’t believe in judgment. But, I try to live a life of fun and kindness. Any thoughts on my views?

Respect your views; they’re the reflection of your essence, your truths.

As you go further, your views will likewise expand towards new insights.

You get the choice in how you hold the process. All too many let fear make that choice for them. So, minimize fear, knowing fear undercuts and twists your views to be about only the negative aspects of your challenge.

You can flip fear and even turn suffering around to focus your perceptions and embrace life even more beautifully. You can make the process, to be about life, like a drill going deeper into a spiritual exploration of life. This will allow you to work towards what you enjoy and find meaning in these profound steps ahead.

Yes, it will be a hard journey. Some days you will break down to cry, you might feel desperate. Ironically at the threshold, you will also discover peace. So don’t let any intermediate desperation take away the deeper more powerful part of the journey: holding your personal truths of life.

While a hard journey, the compression of reality between life and death actually acts like a telescope to see the interweaving connections and paths of life also. Again it’s a personal choice on how to use this powerful moment of life. It isn’t about right or wrong; it’s about your choices on how to connect to everything: yourself and universe both.

So don’t lose any strength or steam now relative to what anyone says or moments of hesitancy you may feel — peace and strength in this journey. Never stop living, even in the last breath: you are still living.

Let life always lead in wonder

So the unknown will never trip you with fear.


32 Thursdays beginning Sept 22, 2022
Time: 8:30-9:30 am Hawaii Standard
Check Your Time! Includes evenings for Europe

Healing Your Soul

Reconnect to Your Soul

Learn How To Heal Completely

Death of a Loved One
More on This Topic : Life, Relationships
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Hi Casey!

I have reacently lose my partner of 5 years. She had multiplle complications after carchrash 10 years prior. No shes gone so
sudenlly it leave me with this emptieness inside.How to cope, how to explore this new expirience with her.? I think she would love to see me happy with her children to connect with them on more deeper level. Peace

In Mexico not in the entire country, but in some parts where Natives are living, when someone passes away, the entire town or village throws a real nice festivities. There is live music, delicious food, etc. When a baby born in the community, it’s when people mourn because the journey of suffering, despair and hard times just start for that baby.

In my personal opinion, death is the balm and redemption to my Soul/Spirit, and the journey continues…


I Must agree, I ‘ve done Hospice,privately. Until recently, I was one of the caregivers for my father,very recently my husband. Being a very Spiritual person, I have attempted to Help in countless ways, I have been a Healer since Birth, I feel and tried aimlessly to be of assistance,sometimes when not wanted, needed and or appreciated. Un aware at times I was no help. No words can ease the pain, comfort the shaken Soul, processing and working through the emotions, many levels, takes time. We find strength where we thought none was left. We find hope and Faith when… Read more »

Lovely lovely poem. Thanks. Thea

@Faith: I think your ideas are fine, and as you explore life, continue to explore what death is in relationship to your own life. Death is outside of life. An illusion of living itself. We label something as dead, when we as living person cannot connect to it anymore. But in life, within life, we are eternal. And outside life, we are merely something else, not recognizable as the other self we label with names… but from the right angle, of being one to the larger universe again can reconnect to that which we think gone. So ironically once you… Read more »

@Sue: There isn’t a single perfect answer to this. Rather this requires a combination of smaller answers and lessons embraced, that reveals how to best hold true to the spirit of the one loved. Its more than acceptance, it’s a mixture of feelings you are sorting out: to merge into a larger free flowing answer I actual would suggest a teaching session with me over skype. The answer you seek is in relationship to your heart and how you personally need to hold these smaller answers that merge clarity and solace together. The combination of answers required, shifts for each… Read more »

hi I have only recently discovered this site so it’s perhaps I’m jumping the gun a wee bit but I am searching for solace today – the loss of someone very beloved. Very simply put, how do i know if i’m happy if i have never known sorrow? The deeper my sadness, the greater my joy. It is after all a world of opposites isn’t it?

Hi Sue I would try to answer your question by stating the “law of correspondence” which deals with the relative relationship of things. Simply put, Sorrow and Happiness are on the same level but on opposite ends. You can feel happy but you can never experience a higher degree of happiness until you have felt the deepest sorrow.

I really don’t think ‘positive and ‘negative’ are more than illusions … sadness is more important than mirth because it is only sadness that finally stops mankind being unloving to mankind, long after we destroyed ourselves and our earth through unlovingness of every kind in almost all [Jesus offers a figure of 144,000 of over 12 billion who stop being unloving in this life] … we ought to be more honest and more sad and admit that it is our unloving ways that shorten the life of those we love, but in fact our spirit demands we love everyone and… Read more »

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
Share via
Copy link