Can you help my partner in my relationship crisis?
The first step in helping your partner is for us to help you. You can start with this video.
We teach over the Phone & Skype around the world.
You can also arrange direct personal sessions & retreats in Hilo Hawaii. All sessions are by appointment only.
We will help you resolve your relationship crisis!
If the person you love is going through a midlife crisis, then also read more about helping your midlife partner change.
- A truth of help: You can help a person who asks directly for help, but rarely directly help those who don’t ask.
Our process isn’t about marriage counseling. Instead, Julie and I are teachers helping people discover the tools needed to face your relationship challenge. The process we use is to assist you, the person asking for help, build up inner strength and confidence so you can improve all aspects of your life, including the relationship.
- It’s always up to you to take control of what happens now.
If you do nothing, when having a relationship crisis: then the reflection of crisis defines you through the breaking of the relationship.
Moving Past a Relationship Crisis
By helping the person who asks for help, we can indirectly help awaken a partner in crisis to also ask for help later.
The first step in helping a partner is often helping you to grow, to become fuller, to renew your strength. Your growth is their growth. By asking for help, you have stepped up and are now ready to work on your side of change. In this manner we know for sure our process will help you find wholeness. This is the seed starting to make a larger difference and then in time these teachings improve, repair, and lead to fuller relationships. In all cases, assisting the person who first asks for help to find new strength: is the most effective path of resolving a relationship crisis.
My partner has a problem. How do I fix it?
Don’t make a relationship be to about problems!
To push a problem into a relationship is to inject the very thing that will break up the relationship later. This doesn’t mean you can’t share problems with your partner. Share away. Rather, this means you don’t project your issues, insecurity or current challenge into defining the relationship itself.
All too often I get the “Help me because they did this!!!” question.
Help me! He left me for another woman. Help me! She is acting like a child… HELP me THEY… they they They!
It isn’t about “They” or “Them”
If this is you. (sorry to label you in a general pronoun sense) Then read on.
Your problem now has nothing to do with Them, It has everything to do with you.
You are making it about them since they started the ball rolling and have defined the problem you must face: How do I now live?
Don’t you see the switch that happened when you allowed yourself to be defined by this other person? The situation has nothing to do about them: the problem is now all about how you will live from this point on! So while you are focusing on what initially caused the problem, you’re also busily and actively now ignoring your own life. The real question has only the word “I” in it no “them, him or her” in it at all. So how will you now live?
Look closely “They left me, should I wait?” -> is really -> “I am alone what should I do?”
Almost every question of this style of expression flips into being: “What should I do now?”
Ask yourself can I survive on just waiting. Ask yourself if this really is about them? The answer is no. NO! As you wait, as you linger, as you push out the problem to them, you slowly undercut and destroy your own life also.
Move ahead with living. They can always decide to catch back up later, but you can’t live in “later”. You have to live in the “here and now”.
So live. It has nothing to do with waiting: it has everything to do with living.
We work over the phone and also offer couple retreats!
I have been with my partner for Years.
How do I bring them back?
The simple answer is to change how you focus your measure of relationship success.
People confuse connection and attachment to be the same thing. When you talk about your relationship regarding how long you have been in it: then there is an attachment problem. The prize isn’t there for how long you were in a relationship. The prize is ongoing and is about being connected in the here and now. The degree of success can be measured by how well you keep a relationship invigorated and fresh for your future.
Don’t maintain a relationship out of habit or for attachments towards the past and other illusions. To do so, just puts energy into a negative relationship that over time, lashes out, breaks and causes pain.
Relationships should be based on a positive connection. Where each person helps the other person become more (not a one-sided relationship).
- It isn’t the relationship we place into the heart
(to do so forces the relationship to become an attachment and forces your heart to break over time as your shapes change).
Place connection within the heart. That way, no matter how much time passes, no matter how many years apart or how you each drift… the connection can stay pure and true… and your relationships will always be timeless