
What is a Soulmate?
A soulmate is a person with whom you have a deep and natural affinity, intimacy, and spirituality. The connection you feel to your soulmate will go beyond words and what you would experience in a normal relationship. Encountering such a relationship can be overwhelming for two people.
Our soulmate guide will help you find a true life partner and maintain a healthy long-term relationship.
Ten Signs of a Soulmate
- A person you accept without thinking. There is a deep and unspoken respect between both of you.
- You have chemistry of the body. Your instincts have kicked in to feel as if this person is your mate. When you touch this person, your body calms down into deep peace.
- You have chemistry of mind. You complete each other’s stories in life.
- You have chemistry of spirit. Everything flows with smoothness.
- Without knowing why you would die for and more importantly live for this person.
- This person inspires you to improve yourself over time.
- The conversation never gets old between the two of you.
- You feel no need to control or limit this person. Soulmates don’t limit each other, which means this is a judgment-free relationship.
- A person you can let go of gracefully
- Perfect timing.
Soulmates are not unique. In my work, I have discovered that a soulmate is a 1 in a 50,000 relationship. So it’s a rare relationship, but not so rare to be impossible.
An older/deeper committed relationship that feels to be soulmate upfront can fail the soul mate tests later in life. This is for two reasons.
- Modern culture teaches partners to force a relationship to fit stereotypes rather than allowing each partner to grow over time naturally. This means people do get many false positives from their feelings and needs, or by forcing the signs.
- People can and do change. For example, midlife crisis tests relationships. Never underestimate the ability of trauma or an extreme life event to shift a person fundamentally.
One truth: a person will be most likely to find a soulmate when they are in a strong, confident place. People seeking soulmates as a solution to their life problems will not find their soulmate. This is because the problem at hand itself skews your perception to look for the wrong qualities in a partner. This means that bad timing can and does prevent a person from meeting their soulmate in our life.
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Life Partners
Our highest ideal companion is someone that embraces life with us in a deep and harmonious manner. This deep relationship is what we call “soulmate” in our culture. The desire to find our perfect life partner often blinds a person not to see:
- What is required to balance the actual relationship
- Our current relationship might need to shift into something different than the ideal being held by either person in the relationship.
The simple truth is: everyone pushes themselves and their relationships too hard!
What Breaks Two Souls Apart
1) Trying Too Hard
A most profound reason a person doesn’t find a life partner is that of trying too hard. Mix this deep desire of wanting a soulmate with modern culture’s perception that anyone could be a possible life partner and you get the all too common hopping from one relationship disaster to the next.
2) No Relationship is Perfect
All relationships, even the best ones, have hard challenges within them. Another common mistake is that people think relationship smoothness is a measure of a soulmate. This is not the case at all. Even soulmate relationships will have rocky points to overcome.
3) Unequal Chemistry
Chemistry is the deep driver of soulmates. However, chemistry isn’t always equal! Just because you feel a deep chemistry for one person doesn’t mean the chemistry is balanced and equal in return. If a person doesn’t have equal chemistry back towards you, your advances will only push them away. So in addition to trusting your senses, you need must examine how the other person responds to your attention.
At times unequal chemistry can arise from trauma or other extreme life events. Personal development work can address this, but it takes a solid one to two years to accomplish results that allow for a soulmate connection. It is also possible to explore soul retrieval work as a path of balancing out your personal chemistry.
4) A Soulmate isn’t Only Physical
Don’t only concentrate on your physical chemistry. Physical chemistry can be so powerful that it overwhelms a person. So much so you don’t pay attention to the chemistry of the mind or spirit. A strong physical chemistry will be enough to keep two people together for 2 to 7 years. Longer lasting relationships also require spiritual (direction) and the mind (your stories) chemistries to be in sync also for two people.
Soulmate
So what is a soulmate? Nowhere are we taught in western culture what soulmate is 100%:
Understand your definition may not fit your partner’s definition. If you each hold different ideals of a soulmate, that is enough to break two people apart from being life partners. Some people don’t even think soulmates exist.
A soul mate is a person who you connect to without even needing to speak. A soulmate will help you grow even if it means losing you. A life partner shares in kindness and non-judgment, but they are one of the few people we will trust with judgment.
Soulmate Chemistry
Chemistry is what makes or breaks two people as being soulmates. To use an analogy, a relationship requires connection and current to work. Like a fuse, each type of chemistry carries 10 amps of the relationship load. So Body, Mind, and Spirit altogether carry 30 amps of relationship load. An average relation runs on 8 to 16 amps of current. Most people do get by with lighter relationship connections. However, a soulmate is a 24 amp relationship. It requires all three chemistries to be strong and vibrant.
When people try to push a relationship to be deeper than the chemistry isn’t strong enough to support then relationship burns out.
This is why personal growth is so important in finding soulmates. We all have issues; issues can disrupt chemistry and how strong of a relationship we can hold in life. Timing includes taking the time to improve oneself and be in a stronger position later in life to support a deeper life partner connection.
Soulmates and Sex
Finally, a soulmate is a person we are mated to with a deep and honest sexual connection also.
It’s the mate aspects of soul mate where people often fall short. Since in reality, people try to force a person into a soulmate relationship before they know if they have a good sexual connection. Once sex is added to the equation, at times, it falls apart. When this is the case, you have a different type of relationship. The simple truth is our culture doesn’t understand there is a slightly simpler level of soulmate called Soul Companion.
Learn how to understand relationships better and how to find your soul mate.
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Soul Companion
A soul companion is almost the same as a soul mate except there isn’t either the need or desire for a mated sexual union.
At times a person will marry their soul companions and then over time discover the relationship doesn’t work because sexually they are not 100% compatible. This is more common than what you might think. Trying to force a soul companion to be a soul mate can at times end in a disaster. Our needs relative to sexuality is very complicated dance. It can be fine to marry a soul companion, but it’s highly timing dependent on many factors happening in each person’s life.
A soul companion is truly spiritually close to you; you know each other down to the soul level. It’s a powerful place to be.
But just because you know a person to their soul, doesn’t mean they also need to be your biological mate.
Conversely
Just because someone was your biological mate in the past, doesn’t make them a soul mate in the now either.
Often same-sex soul companions will get confused since they feel this deep connection with certain friends and they might even feel a sexual edge. So for some people understanding there is this deeper connection with some people can also improve their same-sex relationships. Make no mistake soul companions are powerful connections. Since sex is also about definition and relation, it’s at the sexual level that soul companion becomes a confusing topic to come to terms with. Once you remove the need to define soul companion as being your mate or sexual partner it truly opens you up to many special relationships.
Now you may ask how many soul companions can a person have. I don’t know, Generally speaking, I see people with 1 to 3 soul companions in their life. More is certainly possible but probably is rare also, since it requires a special blending of nonjudgment and judgment to temper such a relationship. Just because soul companions exist, don’t try to force normal friendships into being a soul companionship either.
Understanding that there is this deep Soul Companion level truly helps to open up a deeper relationship. To remove the confusing deeper sexual overtones can actually free up two people to start again building up a more honest relationship.
Twin Flame
In practice, a twin flame is a karmic relationship!
People tend to seek a twin flame as an extra strong soulmate. What they don’t understand, is that the karmic aspect of the twin flame relationship often breaks two people apart. The challenge within a twin flame relationship is to resolve out the karmic lessons involved in the relationship. Only after two people have resolved the karmic issues will a twin flame relationship become sustainable as life partners.
The intense initial pull of twin flame relationships often fools two people into moving too fast with each other. Without moderation and hard work, most twin flame relationships do burn out.
Finding Your Life Partner.
The first truth in how to find your life partner is to understand the nature of a soulmate. It’s strange, but most people don’t sit down to figure out what a soulmate is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the soulmate mold. If you want to know how to find your life partner, then you need to actually “know,” rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.
Many people are running around trying to find a life partner, thinking they will automatically feel their soulmate, simply by how effortless it will be or by the intense connection they will feel. Well, this isn’t how to find your life partner and not true at all. Unfortunately, our biology will often trick us into feeling another is a soulmate by focusing you in on the mate aspects of a relationship. Our species does desire to continue onward, and as a result, biological chemistry can blind two people into falling into love for a shorter relationship for purposes of having children.
A soulmate is more than just physical chemistry; it includes mind (our stories) and spiritual (our flow) chemistry also. However, at the beginning of many relationships, physical chemistry does tend to have the most powerful vote of the three aspects of our nature. Physical chemistry is only enough to get two people seven years along in their relationship (Hence the 7-year itch). To make the distance of 20 or more years, you truly need mind, body, and spirit all to agree on the chemistry.
Additionally, relationships with soulmates are still a relationship. All relationships have issues, even the best ones. A soulmate relationship might have fewer problems than most relationships, but even a soulmate relationship will have its challenges. Our Tree of Love article will teach you about what comprises a relationship.
At different points of life, we look for different attributes to compliment us. Psychologically we change quite a bit in our maturing process every seven to nine years. As a result, the advice to find a soulmate does vary depending on where we are in life. Understand the variations of how we perceive and match to our soul partners over time does factor into how to find your soulmate.
A little help
goes a long way
in finding love.
Five Steps for Finding Your Soulmate
(1) Being True to Yourself.
A life partner compliments you. Your strength works with their strength. To focus in on your weakness means you won’t find your soulmate. To live to your weakness is to find a person who compliments your weaknesses. Such a relationship is a co-dependent relationship. Co-Dependent relationships always burn out or move on in the end. Co-Dependency at first feels balanced, but the problem is as you change it spins out of control. So ironically for Co-Dependency to survive also means always to be staying within your weakness.
We need to grow. Yes, we can focus on a weakness, to grow from that weakness. But never stay weak on purpose to keep a relationship going. That just comes at the cost of your own life.
Also to keep a person in a relationship for the sake of a relationship is a weakness that destroys a relationship.
We all have issues. A relationship is about complimenting our issues also.
This may seem like a contradiction at first, but it isn’t.
Our soulmates will help us work out of our issues, help us acknowledge them and then find healthy ways to work with our flaws to always be growing. A life partner will never hold us back in our issues. A soulmate will allow us to make small mistakes but then will help you avoid large problems. We need to learn from our mistakes and grow.
(2) Don’t Force Your Relationships
We think we know who compliments us and then judge others who would be our best mate. Ironically people are blind to the missing aspects of their soul and issues. It’s not effective to only use logic to find the person who compliments you. This is why dating services do such a poor job using algorithms to find a partner for others.
Now a problem happens during the harder times of life.
The harder points of life are when we judge our partners the most. Also, if you happen to be the midst of a great change such as adolescence, quarter-life crisis or a midlife crisis, everything is shifting too fast to make sense of any of it. No one can know who their soulmate when they are in the middle of a crisis. (this is why soulmates can break apart in crisis). Acceptance of a soulmate comes after the crisis has passed after you release all measurements of who is best for you. You cannot measure clothing for a child as if they were an adult! Likewise, you don’t measure partners while you or they are in great change. Picking a person who is best for you in the middle of any crisis doesn’t match very well for later after you have grown up from your crisis.
Release trying to find prospective partners or to hold existing partners based on measurements (judgment), especially if you are in the middle of great change.
(3) Building Your Awareness.
In the end, without awareness, a person is moving blindly in their life. Part of awareness is to explore and to be willing to meet and talk to different people to both understand chemistry and how we react to others. Awareness lets us work to our essence. Awareness, as a practice, is about connection. To make sure that when we do find a deep connection, that the connection is complete of mind, body, and spirit.
Without awareness equally from both parties, a relationship is blind and only one-sided at best and will fail.
Relative to a midlife crisis or any major change point.
A person’s awareness is focused for the first year or two back into themselves. Transformation points of life are truly about change, so it’s important that a person’s awareness does focus back inward for this period. This is required to help them sort out who they are and how to change. However, since awareness is required to complete the connection to your soul partner, this also means that a midlife transformation process or a larger life crisis very easily disrupts the bond between partners. During this period if the partner tries to reestablish the bond, the person in midlife transformation could just move further away, in an attempt to keep their focus on their growth. It will appear the person in midlife crisis is selfish, (and often seemingly childish in how to try to reclaim their space. This is because they haven’t yet figured out how to express what they are feeling yet).
Understand a person in crisis or midlife change has their attention focused on what they feel are required changes in their transformation. A person in midlife change will move away or fight back to reclaim their space from anyone, including soul partners, who gets in the way of this personal reconfiguration process. This is why midlife transformation can and does break soul partners apart. One person needs to change while the partner resists the change. Two powerful mind states that come into direct conflict and it isn’t a fun time to experience at all.
(4) Patience and Acceptance.
Once one is patient enough to accept their life, relationships improve dramatically.
I have a seen a simple trend.
On average, if you are patient, aware, centered and living in a decent sized community, you will come across a deep life partner once every three years.
This will vary of course from person to person. But it seems to be a good baseline that is accurate if you work with the teachings I offer. I find my students have a high degree of success in finding their Soul Companions / Soulmates after they work with me. Non Judgement and kindness (working to essence) is a powerful path to explore, and it has some nice benefits regarding improved relationships.
(5) Relationship Calibration
Relationship calibration is a special and unique teaching from Personal Tao. We teach a person how to recognize and match up chemistry. We teach you to understand your own essence and how to find another person with a compatible essence. We teach this process for our students so they can be confident to find a perfect match in life. Contact us if you want to learn more about relationship calibration.
A Profound Soulmate Truth
Not every potential soul companion you come across will become a soul companion. It all depends on timing, conditions and other factors at the moment of meeting.
Once you have taken the time to be your own person and grow. It improves the chances of your soul companion noticing you. After you have learned to be aware and not just react. It improves your chances of spotting a soul companion. It takes both of you to connect and for awareness of what that connection means for the process to begin truly. Once you have become patient, it improves the odds that conditions will be right to embrace your soul companion fully.
I have developed a series of tests to help find your soulmate that I share with students and clients. The soulmate video on this page will teach you these tests. Also, you can arrange a session with us directly to help you find your life partner.
Sincerely
Casey
Discover you don’t have to be alone, in figuring out how to improve your relationship.
Soulmate Resources
Additional Relationship Teachings

Additional Videos
- Anxiety Zen
- Destination and Your Highest Destiny
- Healing with Spiritual Light – 1 – Introduction
- Healing with Spiritual Light – 2 – Transfiguration
- Healing with Spiritual Light – 3 – Spirits and Ancestors
- Healing with Spiritual Light – 4 – Being the Light
- Healing with Spiritual Light – 5 – Bowl of Light
- Q&A – Taoism for Teens Interview
- Shamanism – 1 – Introduction
- Shamanism – 2 – Dreams
- Shamanism – 3 – The Spirit World
- Shamanism – 4 – Energy Practice
- Shamanism – 5 – Vision Work
- Shamanism – 6 – Divination & Shifting
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 1 – Introduction
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 1B – Your Path
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 2 – Three Treasures
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 2B – Release Abuse
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 2C – Working with Essence
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 3 – Knowings
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 3B – Story Management
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 4 Crystal Space and Senses
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 4b – Potential
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 5 – Q & A
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 5B – Pulling it All Together
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 6 – Taoist Maps
- Taoism 101 Class – Session 6B: Spiritual Garden
- Taoism 201 Class – 1 Spiritual Destination
- Taoism 201 Class – 2 Building Community
- Taoism 201 Class – 3 Learning Magic
- Taoism 201 Class – 4 Tapping into Spirit
- Taoism 201 Class – 5 Death and Destination
- Taoism 201 Class – 6 Motivation and Depression
- Taoism 201 Class – 7 Practice & Meditation
- Taoism 301 Class – 1 Spiritualization
- Taoism 301 Class – 2 Cultivation and Journey Work

Soulmate Comments and Questions

Hi My name is Geneva, Me and my soulmate recently have separated due to life. When we first met our connection and love was so strong and still is. We still hang out and are friends to this day even though we want to be more than friends at this time. I’m heartbroken because I truly love him. I have nursing school coming up and work long hours and he works long hours and has a son that we both love dearly. I need your insight, this is the love of my life. My soulmate!
Aloha Geneva. Send us a contact request so we can help you.
You mentioned the phases in life impacts identifying our soulmate. I am now in a relationship that’s meets all of the listed qualities of a soulmate. We connect as if the other is the missing half of us. I have complex PTSD and only once did my anxiety kick in and that was when there was a strong possibility we would have to part ways-at least temporarily. My nightly nightmares/terrors stopped. I’m at peace and so is he. Our souls seem to be the same but in different bodies. We both have the shared belief that we are alive for… Read more »
Let this be a soul companion relationship that isn’t limited by time. As long as you hold this relationship without expectations of distance it will beautiful in the now. Don’t try to make this relation last forever. Enjoy each moment as you blossom and when the right moment comes to let him be free and you can be stronger from what you did gain in the moments shared. Those moments shared will last forever for you without any taint or regrets if you hold it in such a manner.
I met guy one year ago at a party. We both had divorced after being married for 15 plus years. I m 44 and he is 49. I prayed the morning of the party that I would find my intended love. That night, he just sat next to me and we really hit it off. It was scary how quickly we fell into sync. But he did not want to be in a committed relationship as he is the primary caretaker for his elderly father who has a host of medical issues and takes up a lot of his time.… Read more »
Best wishes for your relationship exploration Nina. Rather than waiting for commitment, enjoy what unfolds one step at a time. People rush too fast into trying to make a relationship everything when instead you should linger in each step to savor.
I’m 35 and it’s for a long time I’m looking for my soulmate. I couldn’t find one and all the men who I met in my country or in the social networking in the world told me lies and broke my heart and I could trust them. Now I don’t what I should do?
Aloha Soma. You will need to focus on the first step of the five steps for finding your soulmate: (1) Being True to Yourself. Take time to take care of yourself. Take time to learn to trust yourself again. When a person tries too hard to find a soulmate they become easy victims to lies and abusers.
I have been with my husband for 11 years. I love him and we get alone great but I am still lonely. I am not sexually attracted to him and I dont blend with him on a deep intellectual level. He is a black/white type person and I see all the colors and shades type. If that makes sense. Otherwise we get along great. Never fight. He adores me, is sexually attracted to me and loves me completely… I talk to a friend online and feel incredibly attached to this other person and have never met them in real life.… Read more »
It’s not that connections fade, more to the truth people change. You are changing and in that shifting, you don’t feel the same connection as him. It also doesn’t mean you won’t discover a new connection back to him later either. It isn’t uncommon for some relationships to hit a dry spell for a year or two and then come back into focus. Take a year to work strongly on your life. Improve who you are, your situation and health. If after that process you don’t still have a connection then look at your options on what works best in… Read more »
I’ve been in 3 serious relationships. But one man I dated I had a body mind and soul chemistry with I have never had such intense emotions for someone this deep the emotions he brought out in me scared the crap out of me I ran from the connection to get my control back because he made me feel weak. I regret this now it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen him & I think about him daily still.. connection changed me I’m not the same as when I met him I’ve grown and gained awareness since then I still… Read more »
The experience helped teach you about chemistry and your emotions. This will help you in future relationships by being more balanced in your own needs and how to be more in your own power. Since you did run, that means it wasn’t the right relationship for you then and was meant as a teaching moment to help you in future relationships.
I am grateful to you for this profound article. I have been going through a crisis lately and also came across this person i have been obsessing over as a twin flame. Reading you article has given me a wonderful insight. Much love. 🙂
I am glad this was of help to you Sukriti. Best wishes in love and life!
Help! My husband and I have been married for 6 yrs and I know without a doubt he’s my soulmate. I also have a man I have been friends with on and off with for 9 yrs. He’s my best friend, my safe place, my constant. He’s my twin flame. We have always known that even though we complete the other one, we are not meant for a relationship of more than friends. After a 2 yr break in our relationship we recently reconnected. How do I explain that this man will always be a part of who I am… Read more »
That question that would require a session with us directly to go over and determine the best approach. Too complicated to answer in a comment.
For example, if your partner is insecure mentioning a twin flame could destroy your relationship. Too many factors are in play and you would have to gently test out a path. The answer would be crafted over time and based on responses and actions relative to you and your partner.