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Power Up & Be Strong in Defining Your Life

Power represents the ability to define (& defend) oneself.


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Power represents the ability to define (& defend) oneself.

That power comes out from how we act. To a Taoist, it becomes clear we should treat others with respect through kindness. That reflection of respect will have the power to allow others to treat us back with respect.

However, this isn’t a Taoist culture. Instead, it appears our current culture uses fear over respect. To live in fear based society is a culture of legalism, which was a particularly brutal time in China’s history.

In the United States, we now find police who taser grandmothers and school children. This is an abusive culture using fear to depower any threats to such a culture. The deeper problem isn’t about rogue policemen or politicians: it’s again, the deeper problem of society using fear as the source of power. History has already shown: this tact doesn’t work and leads to a corrupted culture.

Be aware, make your own choices, resist fear, and I wish each of you the best of life. Good Night and Good Luck and always remember to stand up for your truth.


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Standing in Power

Resisting Peer Pressure

Social pressure is a difficult process to resist. You will find people slowly wearing you down to be in sync with the group view. Others will make you feel guilty for what you are doing. People will say little things to put you down. You will find yourself mocked or belittled by more senior level group members. You might find yourself excluded from conversations and connection from your peers. Humanity tends to be uncomfortable with nonconformity so this means to be unique is to also stand out alone for this reason.

Then the next step begins — the repeated group talk of a unified viewpoint.

After hearing something over and over again from many people, you will double check your views. Hear something enough from others that don’t match your opinion, and you will begin to doubt yourself. Then finally, you will begin to self edit yourself to match the group viewpoint.

The first lesson is this: Learn how to pick and choose what you stand up for. Don’t make everything a fight. If you make everything a fight in a group setting, you will never have any respite. You will be worn down by the group and have nothing left of your own opinion.

Learn not to share everything. Keep your more personal truths separate. Only share one divergent truth at a time, so you don’t get overly attacked from too many angles.

One example of this is when couples break up. Friends and family of the couple will exert social pressure to rebind two people together. Remember your relationship with another person isn’t based on a larger family. Your relationship is with the other person. Many relationships are held together with peer and social pressure. This is a terrible and slowly destructive style of relationship since it undercuts the needs of the two people for the benefits of a larger group.

Don’t expect other people to give you advice that will work for you. People give advice that would work for them (and not for you) most of the time. So be careful of given advice since it will often be mismatched for your situation.

Personal relationship problems are often best not shared except with friends who won’t judge you. Many bad relationships are kept together purely by social pressure!

Other factors that can come into play:
Experts will be brought in to undercut your opinion further. Experts who can add pressure to make one feel inferior and wrong by not matching to the expert viewpoints.

If you are going to stand out, know your facts. Understand the mainstream views. Know the difference between emotional truths compared to what you can validate and back up with facts.

Don’t make your process to be only emotional. The truth is you are only one person. One emotional person loses against ten united emotional people. Emotions are a glue that limits you down to only one story in life. We have many stories to explore in life. To be truly yourself means having the flexibility to change yourself to be better over time. Once you fall into an emotional argument, you cannot be flexible to avoid being tripped up by others. Yes, once in a while, emotions are great when stuck in the corner, but you can’t only rely on emotions.

Social Media

Be careful about how you use social media. Social media is not a true reflection of you. For instance, your Facebook page isn’t you! It’s a public intersection for you and others. Making Facebook posts too private (sharing too many divergent views) becomes overly emotional and can end up in fights or defriending spats. The more outlandishly personal you make your Facebook posts or comments the faster you will push people away from your life. Be extra respectful of comments you place on other people’s posts, as most people are deeply emotionally entangled with what they write.

Written text/image based connections are very different than a traditional verbal relationship.

The fact is your Facebook page should be treated as a work of art or as your front lawn. Go through and delete posts which over time that don’t serve you. Keep it trimmed and clear so people can easily connect to you but not get a distorted image of you. Time changes perceptions. What we say verbally is not recorded but a written post will still be there and actually have different connotations a year from now. We change over time, so many times our older posts do need to be deleted to match up to our changing life. (I delete 1/3rd of my older posts once a year as a personal habit now.)

People will see what you post through the filter of their own emotions and this means it does distort their opinion and view of you.

This is true for any public portal such as linked-in or other resources. Make sure you what you present matches to how you want others to see you.

Don’t Try to Change Others

People will often try to change other people’s opinions to reinforce their individuality. This doesn’t work when all too many opinions are judgments.

The most famous example is talking politics. Politics are highly personal. Trying to change another person’s political view is pretty much assured to create conflict. If you talk or share politics then be ready to work with the emotional differences arising from the conversation.

For instance: Posting deeper political views on Facebook in an attempt to help others or change political view points can slowly isolate you from others. Political views are judgmental. So unless you are exceedingly careful, political posts do create tension and unnecessary conflict between you and Facebook friends. I have seen many people simply unfriend each other or zap each other into the public / don’t see zone with political discussions.

If you engage in a political dialogue, understand this:

You may speak your mind in public but it’s even easier to post your thoughts to the world today. You can stand up for your words as you are physically present when speaking them. It’s harder to back up your posts as you are far removed from the actual dialogue happening over the internet. Posting is not the same thing as speaking up. So understand the nuances of both styles of communication. Then pick and choose your statements carefully to be ones you can connect to and back up fully.

Resisting Vampires

A vampire is someone who steals your energy. Unfortunately, it’s easier to steal another person’s energy than to do your work. So this means you will encounter people who will try to get you to prop them up in life. Also, it means you will discover negative people who just take your energy away. Vampires will leech away your time and wear you down.

It’s hard to be yourself, when you are spending all your energy keeping someone else standing up.

Avoid vampires. You don’t have to worry much about vampires chasing you. By default, vampires tend to lack the energy to chase after you. They move on quickly to find other victims.

Resisting Naysayers

When you start to stand up, you create work for other people. You will discover people will hold you down, so they don’t have to work harder to comprehend your change. These are the naysayers in life. Once you are pulled back down, it takes even more energy to get back up.

A naysayer is a person who only says no without options for change. Criticism is not nay saying. Criticism is pointing out issues that can be improved upon in life. However, many people go beyond criticism and never give a hand or give any helpful advice. At that point, this isn’t a criticism but just old fashion nay-saying.

It’s acceptable for people to disagree and then give advice for improvement. But move on if a person only tells you “no” or it “can’t be done”.

Resisting Abusers

Abusers are two steps worse than vampires. In addition to taking your energy, they will try to control and shape you. An abuser will use all these tricks mention here in this article and more to keep you under their heel.

There is no rational nor reliable way to bring an abuser to reason. They get their power and support from you. This means they will fight to the bitter end to keep your power away from you for their use. The only solution that reliably works in resisting an abuser is to walk away and start fresh. This isn’t easy because abusers, unlike vampires, will often chase you down.

Be careful about saving victims of abusers. Unless a victim is ready to leave, they often will defend their abuser as their power is wrapped around that abuser!

Resisting Saviors (Kings)

To be yourself means you don’t need saving. All too many people will try to shape you, to save you if you don’t fit theirs or society’s ideal.

Walk away from saviors; they are only trying to validate their agenda.

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I can relate to most of these! I definitely have been dealing intimately with these types daily. I feel that some people can even be Savior/vampire/abuser at the same time! Speaking my truth has been something new for me as well, as I feel like I have been invalidating my beliefs under the false notion of what is compassion and empathy. Reminding myself in each moment of self truth the validating reasons behind each decision has been helping. Thanks you!

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