I met a friend the other day, who just had a family member pass away. Even encountering death indirectly thru a friend’s experience stirs up deep questions. The feeling of death, confronting the emptiness left behind, is a challenge for each person. No words will fill the void and yet we are driven to try.
Over the years I have helped many people find peace with death. I initially show others how to understand and then accept death as a transition… We all have a strange dance with death. I have died, I have had many friends and family who have passed away, so I am on first name terms with Death, not a bad fellow at all really. Yet the strangest fact which I have only come to realize recently is : Death is purely about our relationships. We don’t mourn our own passing. We mourn for those we hold close in our relationships.
The closer or more connected to a person you were, the sharper the edge of death will feel.
Death doesn’t represent any one single definition.
Transition isn’t a static process. It represents many different stories all at once. The passing of the body back into the earth, the process of moving with spirit, the interactions between memories and expectations, and so much more.
Since death is a statement about relationship, the most powerful answers to help work with death arise from responses that give us gracefully acceptable options towards the reconciliation of the relationship between yourself and those who just passed away.
Dealing with death is reconciliation.
First and foremost, always when looking for words to help another, let the words come up as
As simple condolences respects each person’s process coming to terms with so many different definitions and transitions they now face. We often find no single word works, Yet we still strive to console: as if a few key words or truths could ever cover the fullness of the transition of death and all its faces at once.
One way to embrace this process is discovering your own words & feelings that find completeness in your reconciliation process.
The Mexican definition of soul, is the footprint we leave behind for others to connect to, in that we are present, still after death, in how others remember us. Even the person who passed away can change and grow within the stories we hold of them. The tricky part then is to release the stories that diminish us and to hold the stories that enable us to grow.
Discovering in these stories, growing for both you and the person who passed away to become more.
In this we can find our equilibrium between the past , now and the future and not lose those we love.
Blessings as you release those stories that no longer serve anyone
Blessings as you find and refine your inner stories now which serve for your living life now.
The edge of death can be very sharp. Don’t let the sharpness cut you off from your own life.
Sometimes tears are the best pillow.
True friends never pass, they merely go to rest in your heart later in life.
Let them rest deeply, in the heart… let passing friends rest deeply.
Death as a experience goes beyond words because it represents when a person melds back into the larger weave of everything. The breaking you will feel from the death of a loved one is both the breaking and failure of words to express your feelings. So the lesson is don’t try to find the words, don’t force yourself to express what is larger than yourself.
Embrace it, view it, discover instead poetry: of the whole experience. The deeper melding of so many images, memories and connections into something new, hold your former relationship as a form of spiritual poetry in the feelings you now have. In that you will honor the memories and move on to a future without leaving the one you love.
This process of vocalization will allow you to see all of the connections within death itself.
To Discover reconciliation between you and the one you loved.
To Uncover and expand into reconciliation between yourself and the larger universe.
By Casey 2008
No words cover the experience.
No time undoes the feeling.
In love having fullness.
Only to be left releasing:
A shovel, a handful of dirt and the hole left behind.
In love, in sharing: becoming angels.
Living itself: is the wing beat of being an angel.
Even when forced to face death
Coming down to find the ground.
No words fulfill this hole.
Not enough dirt hide the remains,
within the mind, memory and visions
which as if alive
continue to play out.
I wish you peace
to say in oneness
Death is a reflection
Looking back from the depths
towards the light
where we all are one.
This is truth
The reason no words work
in that Death is the merging,
with the Tao.
Remember the kindness to go on living fully.
Discover with Death’s help, your own reconciliation with yourself: how to accept the flow of your actions, your views and how you live.
With kindness I send you condolences.