Moving Grief into Grace & Exploring Neighborism

Aloha Dragons.

This month’s newsletter topic was scheduled to be about sadness and grief. Ironically and very sadly, as I started to write the newsletter, it became a day of grief as the American government murdered another innocent U.S. citizen in Minneapolis. The shooting of Alex Pretti just happened a few hours into my writing this post.

There have been a total of 8 deaths in January due to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).

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Right now, I am feeling a deep and profound grief. It’s important to embrace all of our emotions and feelings in life. So this is an opportunity to explore the extra energy I get from my grief. I want to use it constructively.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

– Kenji Miyazawa

The first thing I did was start writing this and put all my feelings into it. It was very raw, very painful as I began placing it on paper. Pages of pain were lashing out from within me.

Casey Insight #1: When feeling extreme emotions, when feeling stuck, process it! Think out loud, write down your thoughts, dance it out, and go crazy to process all that internal turmoil externally, artistically, and constructively rather than externally (or internally), hatefully, and destructively.

I’m sharing my personal process with you here today. Before sharing the final version of the newsletter with you, I will rewrite it 100 more times over a week. I will take my disconnected rantings, distill the critical facts and points. Then have Julie read it. Then sort it all for greater logical consistency. Remove the pain that doesn’t serve me and the pain that won’t serve you. I will focus on the pain that shows me a path ahead. Then I will rewrite it yet again, not just from my own point of view, but as much as possible with other angles. I have to add all the hidden assumptions and facts you wouldn’t see in my initial thoughts. This final process of rewriting everything for you forces me to re-examine everything yet again, improve the writing, and from that, whole new insights will come to me to see and share.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”

– Oprah Winfrey

For example, James Taylor’s song Fire and Rain came from his processing of grief. Never underestimate how powerful grief can be in fostering creativity. It allowed James Taylor to carry a beloved friend forward as he moved on with his life. The song didn’t replace his friend, but it helped him start a new life (it was his first breakthrough hit).

“The pain passes, but the beauty remains.”

– Pierre-Auguste Renoir

One aspect of grief is that it comes from loss. At this moment in history, facing overwhelming loss in so many ways at once, it can stop a person in their tracks.

Casey Insight #2: The trap of grief is getting stuck in the hole of loss itself. Without action, we decay within that hole, which can become a grave. The first step is to feel and, if you wish, examine your grief. Use anything and everything from the situation to improve your life by seeking new options that are opened up from the loss.

In my case, my action was to write this newsletter while in the hole of grief. I am filling the hole left by loss by sharing with you.

Casey Insight #3: The danger of grief is to lash out too soon with your pain. That lashing ends up hurting others, pushes help away, and even further isolates us to the point of losing ourselves.

My original written drafts would only push people away or give the wrong lesson. The initial inner dialogue needed to be processed, but not necessarily fully shared! One truth from my first-pass writings was the need to stand up against tyrants.

Example Rant

How should I act? I feel that we are in a countdown to the destruction of America. Deep down, I need to use this grief somehow to push myself before that countdown ends. This current crisis won’t stop unless we, the people, truly stand up not only against weaponized brutality, but to stand up as a national community, as we the people, and not as trodden wage slaves to the rich.

The problem with this rant is that it’s raw feelings, with no concrete steps for action.  Rants like this keep a person trapped in their internal dialogue.

Casey Insight #4: In grief, I must process my feelings to alter my lifestyle and live more proactively, rather than being stuck in my internal dialogue.

Personally, I’ve realized I will need to alter my lifestyle to get more involved in my local community. As a digital nomad, I became a bit too disconnected at the local level.

Casey Insight #5: Processing grief becomes a journey to discover how to better empower yourself and fit in a changing world.

“Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.”

C.S. Lewis

What is the path ahead? Well, life would be awfully lonely walking ahead alone. We can counterbalance our loss by joining with others now more than ever. My path has become to work harder at staying connected to those I love. The grief pushes me to help others, to share information on how we can stand up together, to help each other act together rather than hiding in a hole of grief alone.

Life carries on in the people I meet
In everyone that’s out on the street

I Grieve – Peter Gabriel

Alex Pretti stood up to protect others on the street. He lived his life through his actions and followed his beliefs, as we can hear in his own words in the following video.

https://youtu.be/aMXxOdY3FiE?si=vGf0_3f0a4cKp6N1

I will honor those who stood up to defend us by feeling this grief and, in that grief, act with kindness to help others.

Another trap of grief is to stop our actions, as if by doing so we stay connected to what we have lost. Yet no amount of energy or delay of our actions will bring back that which we grieve for.

Casey Insight #6: Once we feel grief, it’s an invitation to start a new story.

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

– John Green, Author

As we move forward from our grief, we should bring forward aspects of those we have lost. However, at the same time, we must use their energy and memories to build something new that can stand on its own; otherwise, whatever we build can later fall back into the hole of loss.

A last thought about grief is this: I see people trying to distract themselves from their grief, jumping ahead to the next thing in life. This approach often misses the opportunity to learn a life lesson from their grief.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

– Rumi

Well, at this point, I’m five days after starting this newsletter, and I find myself re-centered and ready to go back out and continue the fight.

“Sadness flies away on the wings of time.”

-Jean de La Fontaine

And my answer in facing grief, as it always has been, is:

My fight continues to be to love my family, you, and the dragons. My hole of grief will be filled with acts of kindness, which has been my go-to answer for filling all the holes in my life.

Finally, this is a process you will have to repeat over time.

“Grief changes shape, but it never ends. People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say goodbye. But it’s something that accompanies you.”

– Murakami

So we honor the lessons we learn from our grief, so we don’t easily fall back into the next holes of sadness we encounter on the path of life.

Much strength and patience as we walk the path ahead together! I will see you many more times again, as we work together to make the world a better place for us all.

After finishing the newsletter, Julie has informed me that one peaceful protestor said, “If the Minnesota resistance has an overarching ideology, you could call it “neighborism”—a commitment to protecting the people around you, no matter who they are or where they came from.”

We are witnesses to a new movement focused on solidarity and mutual support within the community of Minneapolis, which is now spreading across America. I can only smile at how the teachings of kindness and the processing of my grief merged together to match the times.

We recognize that America is experiencing a new revolution of neighborism. Don’t hesitate to feel the grief and let it fuel your actions. It’s time to step out into the events of life, together.