How do I resolve anger?

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What is anger?

Anger serves a purpose to release deeper issues, problems and internal conflict. It’s a pressure release valve. Since from the body’s perspective: it’s better to release anger than to turn it around to destroy oneself.

However, anger is not very efficient and it’s the last step/tool in a person’s automatic release options. Suppressing anger is self destructive, as the negative energy redirects directly into your body. Anger is a path of destruction. Anger’s purpose is to destroy problems.

How does one heal anger? The true key is awareness of one’s inner self. Understand the root of anger is about releasing problems. It’s better to release problems in other more efficient and less damaging manners. So resolving anger means developing habits that release internal conflict in constructive manners before it can release as rage.

I had a teacher who taught me all about anger. My father was a wonderful soul, yet his one weakness was rage. He let rage control, diminish and then destroy his life. He showed me time and time again, to release with rage, always results in negative feedback from the rest of the world: which in turn would cause him more harm.

The lesson was very clear:

The world always reflects your actions. If you lash out in rage, then the world lashes back at you with that same anger causing pain/grief that still has to get resolved.

Once your anger gets stirred up, there is no true “release” except resolution.

Lashing out with anger is an inefficient attempt to resolve or make a problem go away.

The Key: Resolution

To lash out in rage is to still lash out at yourself, creating problems that will require healing.

So if you have anger

  1. Don’t hold it in.
  2. Don’t release it as pain.
  3. Release it as acceptance.

Now acceptance has many levels, since as you practice acceptance, you can release the anger long before it even boils up to become anger.

Long before anger: look towards your feelings, find the internal conflict (or external) and work towards acceptance. Taoism teaches peace is the true warrior’s path. The sword while an option is never used with anger or you have lost from the start.

Firstly: Don’t remove all aspects of anger out of one’s life, it does serve some useful purposes. More importantly at times you need some anger when dealing with other people. Occasionally you need to reflect anger with anger. Since anger is used at times as communication. Look at the wolf snarl above, it isn’t anger as action, it’s a statement of communication to indicate position. The wolf is saying: “I am willing to fight to retain my place.” The wolf doesn’t want to fight, in fact its trying to release the need to fight, with its snarl.

However, having said that, I teach that 80 to 90% of anger is wasteful.

Basic Techniques to resolve anger

In looking for answers you will discover many different anger management tools. Julie and I focus on the teachings that balance a student closer to their essence. This allows a person to find both a stronger internal baseline and a calmer perspective to work against life’s challenges. Here is a simple introduction to some of our teachings that a person can use to attain more refined control of their actions and finally resolve their anger.

When feeling anger.

Step one:

  1. Take a breath, and just feel it.
  2. Look at it, don’t try to answer it, just look at it.
  3. Accept it, and then release it as a long exhale.
  4. Imagine it going into the earth as compost.
  5. With your arms sweep it away:Literally use your arm like a sword to cut through the feelings of anger to say I see the anger: and it is as it was.

We maintain a lot of energy to hold onto the past: the past is just reflection of what we think happened. In the now… it’s gone and only a memory… and memories are no longer truth, but rather guide lines only. It is as it was. Release the issue as most anger is actually a lie that people use to project and keep the past alive in the now. But doing so is actually a form of delusion: 80 to 90% of anger is based upon lies! Why give up your own power to such lies? A Taoist as a result just releases anger without fuss. Simply brushes it away as a lie and anger on its own has no power at all, except any power we give it to make it real.

In this example, the answer is a process of releasing both the past and any twisted thoughts that got entangled in that past.

This technique also ties into breathing techniques. Yes, letting go of anger in some cases can be as simple as releasing a breath! Breath management is used quite a bit since our thoughts actually flow against our breath. So by breathing with a deeper awareness it becomes possible to release the thoughts which are stirring up the anger in the first place.

For a Taoist this fact resolves 75% of anger issues. However, when your anger is based on painful personal truth, then we must look at the issues that need to be addressed and work a bit deeper.

Step Two:

After looking at the anger: then look closely.

  • If it’s a problem you can resolve now, then do so… No lingering excuses or apologies. Be decisive, apologize once and only once if needed, make your amends and just move on quickly and simply.
  • If it’s something you feel guilt over: then forgive yourself! Be giving to others in repentance for three to five times to put forth kindness in balance of the negative actions. But only a few times. Your life is never an apology, rather in kindness our actions are about now, not filling in the past. As I said before: the past is just that: past gone!
  • If it cannot be resolve right away: then let it go.Instead resolve other smaller problems and be happy with that. Chip away at the anger in small resolutions/actions that over time will undercut the larger anger issue naturally.

You will be surprise how fast these techniques can help you resolve anger.

However, you have to be willing to release.

If you hold firm to “the past”, “expectations”, “lies”, “issues” : then it will be a long road in the release and often your anger will follow destructive means to create the release needed to occur.

In coming across a person who takes this longer road, you let them travel and go your own way. Every person makes their own path. Respect other people’s choices even the bad ones, since they are working on issues. The reason is that often times anger is Karmic in nature. You have to let a person work out Karma naturally and first hand, otherwise you just prolong their negative Karma.

Anger is a Karmic emotion, when you lash out in pain, you inflict negative Karma upon yourself and others around you. Pain inflicted thru anger takes time and active consideration of the people involved to release. As a result be respectful of those working with anger issues, Karma is a powerful beast and the only way to tame it is: with respect, time and acceptance.

Additional Anger and Emotional Support Materials

For Assistance Releasing Anger

Julie and I teach from a wide collection of tools that will help you find peace and release anger. Often times addressing deeper truths require outside assistance to gain new angles that resolve out the internal conflict a person is holding. We teach you how to release judgements that hold you back and then flare up later as rage. We work with Taoist and shamanic tools that add in a grounded spiritual component to anger management.

Arrange Personal Help

Contact Julie & Casey
Phone: (360) 870-2897

All sessions are by appointment only.
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58 Comments. Leave new

Thanks so much for these comforting words. I work in a high stress critical care unit at a hospital and I face a great deal of frustration and anger from many different sources: doctors, co-workers, patients and family members. It has been so very difficult to not lash back in anger and has been getting worse for me lately. I have always heard the expression, “don’t take on other people’s stress” and maybe I need to step back and not take on other people’s anger. It makes me feel as though I have to fix every situation and make everyone happy and when that doesn’t happen, I get angry and frustrated. Reading this has helped me a great deal to put things in perspective.

@Jane: Yes very much so. Don’t take on other people’s anger. Don’t try to resolve everyone’s frustrations.

At times we can help others flow more smoothly to help ease their frustrations. This can be a simple path and more effective. However, some people get addicted to their anger or get stuck in their anger. These individuals won’t respond well in easing their frustration.

In other words don’t help someone defined by their frustration.

So helping others is a case by case process.

Great words of knowledge and wisdom im myself trying to learn how to live free of anger i just knowledge that other people have the power to get me easily angry thats and energy that i reject so much but i dont know exacly how to get rid of it..but im trying thanx

@Marian: Living free of anger is worth the patience. In releasing anger you reclaim a fuller life. Releasing anger is a process of many smaller steps and personal growth. I can tell you the larger steps like removing judgement. Or learning meditation to help calm the nerves and to also extend your awareness so you can initiate counterbalancing behaviors before frustration and then anger sets in. However, the small steps are also key, the little steps you have to tailor relative to your situation and life so you have a chance to implement the bigger steps. A little step like knowing when not to push oneself or when not to go into situations that will test you too hard. The steps you have to tailor to your particular set of conditions.

So you have a challenge to read up on all the various tricks and techniques, but don’t hesitate to modify them for your own situation to make it all work better.

I wish you patience and time to pull it together: You can do this.

This really helped, I’ve noticed a change in myself and not for the better.
A loved one has put me through a lot of challenges that have made me angry, hurt, depressed at times, and now the littlest thing can affect me and I get very sensitive or angry.
I’m aware that I need to fix these issues with in myself. I’m excited to start.

@Heather: I sending you encouragement to pace yourself. Releasing anger and its roots is often a slower emotional process. So patience is a key aspect since all too often people stir things up too fast relative to the internalization of the learning process you are going through. (Our culture doesn’t teach us how to pace ourselves very well in certain things, this is one of them).

Recently I have been dealing with shoulder pain. My naturopathic doctor has diagnosed this as suppressed anger which creates high energy in the liver causing the pain. That said, I need to figure out what anger I am holding onto and how to release it. Your words have helped me with tools to possible release the anger but wonder if you have any ideas on how to find what created the anger in the first place. The doctor was able to narrow it down to relationships and not career/work related. Anxious to hear from you.

@Jan: I would suggest looking at the most important relationship of all for you. Yourself: How you hold yourself and relate to yourself. Often times relationship issues can be approached by flipping it around to revisit how you hold & see yourself.

Also often times people take into their soul a judgement, pain, a story or outside shape that creates pain / festering that then creates all the follow up judgements / anger issues. Ironically, many times it won’t matter what the source or reason is: because the root cause is now long gone. Many times it’s easier to focus on removing the current splinter, not worry about the source of the splinter and simply move on.

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