I got this statement today from a person trying to sort out some feelings:
I have real hate for this person and it makes me feel bad.
If we feel hate: it means that something or someone is actively diminishing us. We do feel bad when feeling hate, for the very reason that an active problem is present and it requires our attention to resolve! Hate is not an emotion to bottle up: to do so is very dangerous as it means you are bottling up an extremely negative process. Holding hate is something most people cannot do safely and it quickly ends up re-projecting outward to then hurt those innocent around us.
What is Hate?
Hate is a composite emotion.
Hate is: Judgement Directing Anger
A deeper part of the problem is that anger itself is a composite emotion which is often a mix consisting of frustration and survival.
With this information it now becomes possible to work against hate from several different angles. The high level process is: when feeling hate: it’s time to begin a process of release. Since hate is a composite emotion you can focus on the sub elements first rather the the entirety of hate. For most people to work at the final combined feelings of hate is too complicated and it quickly becomes a process of spinning around the issues rather than dealing directly with the roots of the problem. By focusing on the sub elements of hate you can quickly unravel the hate all together.
- Release the judgements driving the feelings of hate.
- To move on with our own life without attachment to where our feelings of hate arise, or to anything projecting hate back towards our own life.
- Some times this means being compassionate is to walk away without saying anything. At times no answer is required other than your leaving.
- Take the time to focus releasing the Anger itself.
As you work against releasing the feelings of hate, keep your awareness open so you can learn more about the nature of the feelings. If the feeling keeps coming back then with awareness shift how you relate to the source of the hate… if the issue still keeps coming back, then fully release the source of the problem. With this awareness you can spot the sub elements feeding into the feelings of hate and more precisely work on your healing process.
At times the lesson we are learning is how to release fully, but to release fully is often a series of releases you achieve in letting go of all the sub parts of hate. That itself is a hard lesson, especially when the person who we might feel hate towards, actively clings back or is attacking us.
Angles of Hate
Since hate is a composite of judgement and anger, many new side issues twist into existence with the hate. These issues are secondary problems to the real deeper issues at play. As a result dealing with surface issues may do nothing in helping a person overcome hate. Remember to focus on any components based on judgements, feeling frustration or of anger.
For example: Often times “hate” involves an imbalance in a relationship. This would be the classic love/hate relationship we hear about. Where some parts of the relationship help a person and other parts of the relationship are harmful. The relationship imbalance a person is experiencing is usually secondary to any judgements twisting the relationship out of balance. In these cases often it isn’t the relationship that is the problem as much as older judgements from previous relationships, abuse or how we were raised by our parents that are now cropping up thru the relationship. To initially only treat the imbalance ironically will just keep the love-hate relationship spinning. Rather it’s a question of how you resolve out the lower level judgement and anger that is undermining the relationship.
Understand hate is a powerful emotion, (powerful enough to destroy nations as WWII showed) Hate exists for a reason, it’s an unconscious reaction to lash out at what seems to be harming or diminishing us. Hate isn’t something to ignore or you can hope will go away. Unfortunately you need to actively work at releasing the poison of hate when it’s found digging at your soul.
The True lesson to learn about hate, isn’t to reflect that feeling of destruction back out, but instead to release judgements in a kind and gentle manner to grow from.
Many times the best way to be kind when this level of intensity if present is to walk away without attachments and commitment, to leave as little behind for the reflection of hate to work itself upon. Sometimes others will take hate to conflict and we have to be ready to deal with such conflict also.
So when encountering Hate, examine the feelings of hate. In steps release aspects of the process or relationship where the Hate is focused within. If it isn’t possible to release the root aspects where the Hate is stemming from, then release the full package by moving on with your life. The world is a large place with many answers, there is no greater purpose to get stuck upon a process which you are not in a position to resolve in a positive manner.
In other words Hate can never be held, it’s either released or it destroys the heart where it resides. Holding hate, only leaves destruction. This is because hate is anger’s second to last step in the march of personal destruction.
So when feeling a pang of hate, be very aware and work towards discovering release, Being human we all will have felt this emotion at some point in our life, But also discover it is a lesson in how to release towards a better life also.
Additional Anger, Crisis and Emotional Support Reading Materials
- Finding Inner Peace
- Handling & Removing Fear: Part 1
- Handling & Removing Fear: Part 2
- Midlife and Quarter Life Crisis
- No More Bullies
- Resolving Anger
- Tackling Despair
- Working with Crisis
For Professional Assistance Releasing Anger
Julie and I teach from a wide collection of tools that will help you find peace and release anger. Often times addressing deeper truths require outside assistance to gain new angles that resolve out the internal conflict a person is holding. We teach you how to release judgements that hold you back and then flare up later as rage. We work with Taoist and shamanic tools that add in a grounded spiritual component to anger management.