How to Deal with Midlife Crisis?

Let’s start with the eight steps to dealing with a midlife crisis.

Patience.

You cannot rush this process; real physical and psychological changes are in play in your midlife transition. Patience gives you the time you need to let everything come together in your life transformation.  It takes the body and mind two years at least to sort out these changes. Be patient with yourself.

Exercise

Exercise helps all the physical and mind base changes move along. Exercise is a critical part of your midlife transformation. Without exercise, your process will take longer, and a person tends to become depressed in their life. Depression will derail a midlife transformation to become a midlife crisis.

Awareness

Be aware, take time to understand how you are connected to everything around you. A midlife crisis can be a very proactive and reactive time in a person’s life. This means people tend to push in larger sweeping actions. Without awareness, overly large life changes will have many unforeseen consequences for a person’s life. Part of midlife is to pause and take time to consider all your connections in life so you can better make choices to rebalance your life’s balance of connection. Learning meditation and how to expand your awareness will make your midlife transition a much smoother experience.

Non-judgment

Release measurements that have limited your life.

Many people are in the wrong place in their life because outside judgments have limited their options in life.  This the time to release the traps of judgment and take actions based on your needs rather than being restricted by what other people let you do.

Get Help

Find a guide who has been through the process. This can be very helpful to avoid the common mistakes and traps that people follow at this stage of life. You can read all the material you like, but the process is very gritty and dynamic. Having a trusted teacher to ask advice from is an invaluable resource at this time.

Play

Take the time to do new things and grow! If you don’t experiment in life, you won’t find better options for life that you want to embrace. Everyone in midlife crisis wants to run away from their old life, very few people know their destination. As a result people gravitate towards destinations that look the opposite of their previous life. It turns out the new destination you are seeking is often one you have to create and play is the starting step of creation.

Make it Your Own

This is all about coming into your essence, so take time to make it your own. To make midlife your own, means you have to hold your power. MIdlife for women and minorities is a challenge because of extra pressure to conform to social norms. Men tend to have more freedom to break free, so you find men more focusing on this step and ignoring the other steps.

Be Kind

You are not alone, treat others around you with respect and kindness. Then as you grow, others will return that respect and kindness.

Take the time to live your life and learn Kind-Fu.

You have lived for over 35 years now: you have made mistakes, you have learned many lessons, you have experienced many deep events. Midlife transition is a chance to review your life, pause for a moment, and then integrate the lessons you have experienced to date.

Some paths are more graceful than others, some paths lead to greater heights to view more of what is around us, and some paths are more painful: so many possible paths.

What is Midlife Crisis?

Midlife is when your body, mind, and spirit are all are trying to mature into a healthy and independent person. A midlife crisis arises when a person rejects either personal change or essential parts of their pre-midlife situation. People often try to avoid midlife change, but avoiding your change can promote a deeper crisis.

The sad truth is: many people don’t know what they want to be or often force themselves to be something different than their essence.

Modern society encourages people to break themselves rather than grow constructively in life. Midlife transition is a natural part of life. It takes several years for it to fully complete. The process doesn’t have to be a crisis, but many people do make it a crisis: by forcing it or rushing into it all too fast.

From all the stories from what people do, it may seem to be an experience to avoid, but avoiding your nature promotes a deeper crisis later.

What is it? It’s a time when your body, mind, and spirit are all are trying to mature into a strong integrated independent person. If you approach this time without judgment, with patience, practicing awareness, and taking time to grow, to your heart: it can be the most wonderful time in a person’s life also.

However, the experience is never easy. It’s a challenging time, but well worth investing yourself into, since the return is: being yourself more truly.

How Long is a Midlife Crisis?

The more a person resists their midlife crisis: the longer it takes.

With expert guidance, a midlife crisis can resolve over 1 to 2 years. Otherwise, it tends to process over 2-3 years in a series of cycles. The speed depends on if a person finds something that matches to their heart and how others in their life help them grow.

When a person doesn’t change after three to five years, they become a slightly worn-out version of their old self again.

Of course, many variations to this exist. The timing depends on if a person finds something that matches to their heart and how others in their life help them grow.

Don’t worry about the time frame and start living your life now.

No perfect path exists in crisis. Yes, some roads are quicker than others to avoid problems. Some routes might be slower and yet lead you to greater heights of accomplishment. Generally speaking, the faster you force the process, the more painful it becomes. The problem is we think in terms of months for what should take years. Then factor in that our actions happen in increments of days, and it’s tough to see how those days add up to those years we need to mature within.

What qualifies a path as good or bad: ends up being what you will be proud to embrace as your own. Just remember our human nature requires at least two years to make the change deep enough to make our own.

What are the Stages of Midlife Crisis

The Four Stages of Midlife Crisis

    1. Healing the body. (Resolving physical problems)
    2. Clearing the mind. (Changing your story)
    3. Finding a new direction. (Releasing what is holding you back)
    4. Becoming whole. (Building a better life)

We are a combination of Body/Mind/Spirit. A midlife transformation touches all three of these aspects of life. As a result, a person will work through each as a separate set of steps. The actual midlife transition process is a back and forth experience working on these aspects of life. The order of these four stages will vary from person to person.

As an example:

A person might take time to relax their mind, only to discover it’s time to get in better physical shape. It turns out meditation can be hard on the body and requires a person to be in good physical shape. So a person will then get into an exercise frenzy only to have their mind shift to be in a different place. So a person circles back around to take time and re-adjust their mental concepts. Midlife creates a process of going back and forth between the various aspects of healing life.

As a result, we encourage our students to work on several things at once. A midlife transition is a time where people seek practices to help balance their life.

The final stage of midlife transformation is when all four aspects (Mind / Body and Soul / Spirit ) blend into a single harmonious being again. While many names exist for this final point, I call and teach it as complete acceptance.

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Additional Answers to Common Midlife Questions

Please feel welcomed to ask questions regarding the midlife crisis on this page in the comment section below.

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Transition Resources

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Hi. I am having some difficulties resolving. Is it advisable or correct if I tell my partner that she is having or experiencing a “Midlife Crisis”? been reading a lot and I see and feel 90% that my partner is having this problem.

I have spent a lot of time on your website trying to learn how to help my husband who is in a deep crisis. I have read about how this should be a time of transformation but he is breaking down. Yesterday he broke down and asked for a divorce. It seemed like a cry for help. He is in a lot of pain and his mood swings are extremely frequent now. It’s been an internal earthquake for both of us. Every time I try moving forward and find a sense of peace things break apart so it’s difficult to… Read more »

I see a lot of signs that what my husband is suffering in midlife transition. He has had a very stressful and demanding job for years. He is evaluating his life and its purpose, questioning his faith big time -and questioning his relationship with me as he looks into his future. We have been married for 25 years and together for 28. His way of dealing with things is to retreat and be alone and also to engage in his job full the riddle. He travels now constantly because I think he feels when his mind is busy at work,… Read more »

I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my mother and her sudden change in life. A year after my father passed away she turned into a drinker , late partying, never coming home, hostile towards me. Now I think I have found the reason why. I was always confronting her what is wrong with her and getting upset with her basically acting like the parent. Now all I can do is wait for her to come back I suppose. I guess my initial question is: is a midlife crisis usually happen after one spouse has… Read more »

My partner of eleven years ran out my door without saying goodbye to me or the kids. He is the love of my life and has never let me down. He said he loves me but is not in live with me and could not see a future. He needed a break. I failed to give him a break as I was so devastated I couldn’t eat for weeks lost two stone and up the night so I kept searching for the answers. He just closed me down like shutting the lid of a chocolate box. Now I see he… Read more »

@Karen: Since he has remarried, he is effectively gone now forever. Don’t try to bring back someone who had gone beyond your reach. @Kathryn: Keep what you say down to simple things. Be as non judgmental as possible and don’t try to help or force your son to do what you feel is “right” since any such attempts will only make things worse. Be patient for the distance and only try to assist in simple ways in the present. Be there for the grandchildren in a non judgmental manner provided the wife or your son give you the space to… Read more »

Our 48 year-old son just advised us that he is leaving his wife of 15 years and their 2 sons. I am devastated regarding the effect this will have on my grandsons. What can we say/do? He is very loyal to his (even high-school) friends, but doesn’t seem to care about what happens to his kids or wife.

My husband left me 14 months ago. Divorced me & remarried 5 months later ad he calls the love of his kife. He thinks she looks 18. He has seen his daughter & grandson 10 hours in 14 mmonths.My dr. Says he is on midlife crisis. So will he ever come back?

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